Summertime Christmas - Holiday Movie Musings

I am on a roll for truly terribly holiday movies. Meant to be written as a goofball comedy about elves who don’t get out into the real world, and thus don’t know things like...how to hold your breath...? Filled with terribly awkward editing and bad script-writing, it’s another one I’m not sure I can get through without a lot of fast-forwarding.

Edited to add: Oh no!!! I am suddenly reminded of a strange news headline I saw in the super-odd opening credits. It was a collection of postcards from the main elf, and newspaper headlines, and someone reading it like they are on the internet looking for something. One of the headlines had to do with some UN resolution I couldn’t read, and soon after, some headline about the “Nanny State” stepping in. Nanny State is a pretty heavy right-leaning term these days so it took me aback, and I couldn’t figure out what any of this had to do with a story about vacationing elves.

We finally got to it, about 20-ish minutes in. Santa reports on an emergency due to the Naughty List skyrocketing. He announces he has pinpointed the issue: that “all of the world leaders” signed an agreement, which has “restricted the authority parents have over their own children”. Santa’s stern-faced concern is evident when he growls, “This would suggest the government is better suited at raising children than their own parents. And the results have been CATASTROPHIC!”

Santa basically tells the elves to “stand by for activation” to “reverse this trend”.

Did I stumble onto Fox News by accident? 

I made it about 45 minutes in, and I have to start fast-forwarding. It’s so so bad.

Edit: stopped at a part where people are in the grocery store gossiping about a new business moving into town and everyone will surely have jobs by Christmas. Apparently the elves decided to grow magic berries the town can sell, and save them from financial ruin. Someone roughly described trickle-down economics and how if people have jobs someone else will sell them a car. This took a strange turn.

Edit again: Okay I got far enough in that I saw kids just trashing a church. One boy falls and is injured and is caught. The boy, when asked by the church lady why he was trashing the church, that thanks for the law everybody signed, nobody can tell kids what to do any more, and they can’t even say that kids do anything wrong any more. Church lady rolls her eyes and says with some degree of sarcasm  “International law?” Then she goes into a heavy-handed explanation that only God can define right and wrong, and no man can sign that away. And that while he did something bad, Jesus took his sins away and blah blah blah now we’re getting some Bible story lesson... What is happening?!

Edited more: Now we’re having a summer Nativity pageant. 

“I can’t have a baby! I’m a kid!!”

“With God, all things are possible.”

Ah, the miracle of a terrified unmarried child being forced to have a baby...

If you haven’t figured it out by now: Do not recommend.

Amazon Prime yet again delivers “so bad it’s bad”.