Q. So, I was watching Kami Liddle's Tribal Fest 8 performance again today...one of the (many) things I have always liked about this performance, and her performances in general, is her lovely smile! It looks so wonderful!

How do I get that (or any) smile? Yes, I do smile when I perform and practice, but it looks nothing like that. When I ask a friend after I am through with a performance, "did I smile?" Their response is typically a variation of "Yes, you had this cute little smirk smile." What? I was smiling! I felt my face moving and forming smile-type pose. And when I look at a performance on video, I see that, indeed, it is more of a "smirk". So, I then go "drill" a smile in front of the mirror. But I don't like the way I look....

Any of you have this issue? Any tips for working on a better smile?

A. Smiling in performance is just one facet of "emoting"--a difficult but valuable skill. And yes, you can learn it!

For one, don't expect your smile to look like anyone else's. That will bum you out in the long run. But more importantly...

Practice!

Actors know this--to convey an emotion with the body/face for a performance takes work!  It seems like it should be so "natural", but more often than not it ain't. It feels really goofy to smile in a mirror, but it helps you learn how it looks. Then try the same thing away from a mirror and feel how that FEELS. Keep working back and forth between mirrors and feeling it. Then try performing for video with that same smile and see how it looks and feels.

Another consideration: don't just smile. Think of things that make you feel like smiling.
A fake smile looks fake. A genuine smile radiates beyond where you think you could possibly reach.
Genuine smiles come from genuine emotion, and not from "poses". So when you practice your faces, and practice dancing, bring joyful thoughts to your mind which induce genuine smiles, and the audience will not only see it, but *feel* it.

Another gem from Zen Habits, this time it's the very simple truth about increasing your fitness.


"Health and fitness are usually made to seem too complex.

If you read a lot of fitness magazines and blogs (as I often do), you’re told a confusing variety of complex advice. It makes your head spin.

You’re told that eggs, butter and meat are bad for you. Then another crowd will tell you those same things are actually good. Then you’ll hear running is good for you, and the bodybuilding and primal crowds will scoff at longer-distance running. You’ll hear that lifting weights is the best way to get into shape, and others will laugh at that. You’ll hear a million variations of the best workouts, of when to time your nutrition, of how to periodize your workouts, of how to measure fitness, of what supplements you need to take … ad naseum.

It’s enough to make you want to give up.

Fortunately, fitness doesn’t have to be that complex.

In fact, you can boil it down to two simple rules:

1. Get your body moving on a regular basis; and
2. Eat a moderate amount of real, whole foods (with occasional indulgences).

I believe if you stuck to those two rules, and stuck with them for awhile, you’d get fit. Doing one but not the other will result in an improvement in health for many people (not all), but it would be an incomplete health. Do both most days of the week and you’re on your way to health and fitness.


But what about specific macronutrient ratios (fancy way of saying the breakdown of protein, carbs and fats)? What about meal frequency and timing? What about workout frequency, splits, timing, reps, and more? You could add all these types of rules and many more, but the truth is, all the complexities are usually a way of masking some simple truths: if you want to lose fat or weight, you have to have a calorie deficit, and if you want to build muscle, you’ve got to use exercise to get stronger. The other stuff is mostly guesswork, and while these complicated programs probably work, they usually work because they promote one or more of the principles in this post, not because of their complexities.

The two rules above are all you need … however, most of us need a little more detail, so here’s a more complete set of simple fitness rules. As always, remember that 1) I’m not an expert — this is just stuff that’s worked for me; 2) this is for healthy adults — people with health problems should seek the advice of professionals.

1. Get moving. Try to do some kind of physical activity most days of the week (4 or more days if possible). If you have an aversion to exercise, don’t think of it as exercise. Just think of it as a way to get your body moving in some fun way. It can be dance, yardwork, hiking, a nature walk, a swim, basketball, rugby, cycling, even housework if you do it vigorously enough. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing each day. I recommend, just for the sake of simplicity, that you do find a regular time slot you could do your daily activity, most days of the week. I prefer mornings but others enjoy lunchtime or after work.

2. Enjoy yourself. Whatever activity you choose, it has to be fun. If you don’t like it, move on to something else. Focus on the fun part, not the hard part. Or learn, as I have, to enjoy the hard stuff! Again, make it fun, or you won’t keep it up for very long. To make sure it’s not too hard, start easy. Focus on just getting moving and enjoying the activity. Start small, and build up with baby steps.

3. Slowly add intensity. Once you’ve been doing an activity for a little while, and you’re in decent shape, it’s good to add some intensity. But slowly — if you add intensity too quickly you’ll risk injury or burnout. So let’s say you’ve been doing some walking for a couple months — you should be ready to add a little jogging or fast-paced walking, in small little intervals. If you’ve been running, try some faster-paced intervals (take it easy at first) or hill workouts. If you’ve been strength training, be sure to add weights (safely) or decrease rest time or add more reps or sets. If you’re playing a sport, really speed things up, or focus on explosive movements. Intensity is a great way to get yourself in shape and have an effective workout in only 20-30 minutes. Here’s a great way to do bodyweight exercises with intensity: do a circuit of bodyweight exercises (such as pushups, pullups, squats, burpees, Hindu pushups, lunges or others) and do as many circuits as you can in 10 or 15 minutes. Next workout, see if you can do more circuits. It’s great!

4. Minimal equipment. There are a million different exercise gadgets out there, from ab machines to elliptical trainers to a whole slew of weight machines at the gym. My rule is: keep it simple. You can do amazing things with bodyweight exercises — in fact, if you are a relative beginner, you should start with bodyweight exercises for at least 6 months before progressing to weights. You don’t need cardio machines — just go outside and walk, run, bike, do hills, climb stairs, sprint. Even if you do weights, a barbell or dumbbells are all you need — stay away from the machines that work your body at angles it’s not meant to use (although cable machines aren’t bad). Even better, get outside and do sprints, pushups, jump over things, pick up big rocks and throw them, do pullups from a tree, climb up rocks, swim, do a crabwalk or monkeywalk, take a sledgehammer or pick and slam it into the ground, flip tractor tires, and generally get a great workout with very little equipment.

5. Just a few exercises. Bodybuilding routines will have you doing 3-4 different exercises per body part. That’s too complicated for most people. Keep it simple in the weight room: squats, deadlifts, presses, chinups or pullups, rows. You can do a lot with just those lifts. Of course, you’ll want to mix it up eventually with some variations, but no need for 10 different ab exercises or things that focus on your rear deltoids or use swiss balls. If you’re doing bodyweight exercises, I love things like pushups, burpees, squats, lunges, pullups, dips, planks. Pick a few and do some circuits with little rest.

6. Eat real foods. One of the most important rules on this list, because if you don’t eat right (most of the time), it doesn’t matter how much exercise you do — you’ll get fat and unhealthy. Aim for real, whole foods that are as close to their natural state as possible. That means stay away from processed, refined, fatty, sugary foods. Veggies, fruits, lean meats, dairy, nuts, beans, whole grains, eggs, seeds. Prepare them yourself if possible — convenience foods often have added ingredients, as well as extra salt, fat, sugar and preservatives. If you follow this diet — with the plant foods making the bulk of the diet — it’s hard to go wrong.

7. Eat less. Most people eat too much, and eventually it shows up as fat. To lose that fat, we need to eat less — it’s really that simple. Of course, if you eat the real foods mentioned above, you’ll probably consume fewer calories, but even so, it’s smart to reduce how much you eat overall, at least until you reach a healthy level of body fat (and even then, you shouldn’t let it all go). One way to do that is by eating slowly and mindfully until you’re just satiated (not stuffed). Another way is to eat smaller meals and watch the portions. A third way, which I’ve been experimenting with lately, is intermittent fasting (see Brad Pilon’s Eat Stop Eat ebook for a great explanation of the science behind fasting). However you do it, be sure to consume the real food in moderate amounts, and reduce your calorie intake if you’re looking to lose fat.

8. Give it time. This is what gets many people — they expect to see results immediately, within the first month or so, because the magazines they read make it seem so instantaneous. But real fitness rarely happens this way — it’s a process and a lifestyle change. I started out in really bad shape, really overweight, and all I did in the beginning was to quit smoking and start running. A year later, I ran a marathon and was a vegetarian — but I was still kinda fat. A year after that, I was still exercising regularly, and had made a lot of progress, but I still had a ways to go. Now, 3.5 years later, I’m in great shape — slimmer and more muscular and much healthier — but I still have a little stubborn belly fat I’m working on. I’ll get there, but I have accepted the fact that it takes time. You didn’t gain the fat overnight, and you won’t lose it that way either. Learn to enjoy the process, enjoy the activities, enjoy the healthy, real food, and you’ll get healthy and fit almost as an afterthought to this new, amazing lifestyle."

If you enjoyed this post, please visit the ORIGINAL WRITER'S PAGE and comment, or share on your Twitter, Facebook, etc. Support the writers at this wonderful site with your enthusiasm! And in case you are fearful with my direct copying of the content to my blog for your reading, ZenHabits has a strict Uncopyright Policy that is so refreshing in this day and age! Not only a great thinker and writer, but a very Buddhist spirit. So please make a point to send your good juju, real or imagined, over to those authors.

Thanks, Dance Advantage!

http://danceadvantage.net/2009/02/08/7-secrets-of-super-performers/

"I have tried some workshops. They don't really work for me. Reason being there is too much being thrown at me in a short space of time. Now, I am not young, not old, but this older brain needs to have the lessons pounded over and over."


You are not by any stretch meant to absorb everything in a workshop, and what you do absorb, you should not expect to get into your muscle memory or master at any level.

It is like a big delicious buffet. You are overwhelmed with choices, and will taste a lot of things you maybe never tried before. You will like some things, and not others, and you never walk away with a recipe list of the things you like. Just a rough idea of what foods, ingredients, and spices you enjoyed most. Then you can take that information home and apply it to your overall diet in some other way, by experimenting with the bits and pieces of culinary details you gathered from your experience.

If you go in hoping to walk out with a complete set of ideas and concepts, wholly in your body and ready to go, you will be disappointed every time. But with patience with yourself, looking out for what really resonates with you, taking some decent notes, and being willing to let go of what isn't really turning your crank, you can come away with some really valuable new information and a gateway to new skills and ideas that will generate WITHIN YOU as a result of attending.

And remember that workshop teachers vary WIDELY, and their topics do as well. Some workshops are about cramming as much data into one two hour timeslot as possible. Others are about more subtle techniques that you will get to drill with over and over in different ways to explore possibilities. You end up kissing frogs in the process, but even the ones you don't appreciate fully give you some scope to your preferences, and helps guide your personal style.

http://www.professorsolomon.com/12principles.html

This is "Professor Solomon's 12 Principles"-- way to help you find ANYTHING you lost. Well, except maybe your dignity. :)

I am one of those "organized piles" kinds of people. So these principles really help me on occasion!

Recently on an instructor discussion group, a fellow teacher asked a question about giving feedback to a student after a show

---

Question:
"I was recently at a student show put on by another instructor where one of my students performed in a group choreography. At the break she asked me what I thought. I told her that she was doing well with the choreography, obviously knew it, but she needed to get her eyes off the floor and look at the audience some.
She then told two of my other students that were there as spectators (when they all went out for a smoke) that I was criticizing her.
Seriously, I didn't think I said anything that would be taken wrong but obviously I did.
I repeatedly tell my students when we start learning about performing in front of an audience not to stare at the ceiling for divine guidance or constantly look at the floor, so this is something that she has heard before, over and over and over.......

What should I have said or not said? If I wasn't asked I would have kept my mouth shut."

"Shay says:
I want to start by saying that I felt your feedback was perfectly appropriate and not at all overly critical. But I think the timing of it was what caused the issue.

I make it my policy to not allow critique AT a show--only general encouragement and positive commentary at the venue, and save the critical discussion for later. We are very vulnerable when we perform, and when we're done it is common for our brains to immediately jump to the negative. I encourage dancers to believe the performance space is a very positive and safe space, free from self-talk and negativity. The rehearsal space is where we get down to the real work. To be clear, I don't think you were being "negative"--teachers understand that critique is neither positive nor negative, but all of it is tools to become better and stronger. But not all students understand this, and even we as professionals have a hard time taking in critique when what we would most like to hear is glowing praise, yes?

You may not have the opportunity to see her in a "rehearsal space", but perhaps saving any critical feedback for another time would have been of help in this case. Give her a few "'atta girl" comments, and then tell her that if she would like to hear a more detailed assessment, you would be happy to talk to her later in the week (or e-mail her or whatever she likes). Then the ball is in her court as to whether she wants to receive more guidance from you, she can prepare herself to best receive the feedback you are offering, and you have set the tone that the performance space is a safe and happy coccoon.

Just some food for thought!"

And don't forget the "feedback sandwich" technique when delivering any feedback! It may not seem important that it was two nice things and then a critical thing. Just changing the order of the feedback to nice-critique-nice can change the perception of the interaction for the student from "she criticized me" to "she complimented me and gave me a good tip". Always end on a positive!

For a really great article on instructor critique, check out this page:
http://www.dynamicflight.com/avcfibook/evals/

And this short blog entry has some good tips for artists on how to accept critique, and learn to continue to be open to it. Maybe this could inspire a handout for some teachers to give their students when they advance to performance level?
http://www.bearskinrug.co.uk/_articles/2007/01/24/taking_critique/

Gibson Pearl posted this today, and I thought it was beautiful.

This is something I found long ago...I modified it a touch. Maybe it's something you need to hear right now. Maybe you know someone who needs to hear it. In any case...

**************************************

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this:

When people can walk away from you, let them walk.

Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. It doesn't mean that they are bad people; it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Embrace the gift of good-bye.

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to LET IT GO.

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO.

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO.

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT GO.

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO.

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents…LET IT GO.

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO.

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO.

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET IT GO.

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves…LET IT GO.

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. New life is today.

Auntie BubboPants over on Ravelry.com is a hoot to read. But this month I particularly loved her response to a woman who wants to get a tattoo, but her hubby isn't keen on it. I kept saying "YEAH!" throughout. I thought it was really well written and worth sharing.

I wouldn't normally cut and paste and entire thing into my blog, but you have to be a member to read stuff on Ravelry, so I shared it in its entirety here. (If you are a knitter/crocheter, you should be a member!!)

I am going to be 31 soon and, despite my rabid fear of needles, I would really really REALLY like to get a tattoo. I feel like I need to do something kind of wild and crazy before I become an old fart. I’ve always been the steady one, the dependable one. I’ve been married for nearly 11 years for crying out loud. I have a child and a home and a decent car which I don’t love but gets me where I need to go. I’ve never really done anything too terribly crazy in the last 11 years or so.
Here’s the real problem. My husband thinks that tattoos are bad. Very bad. Trashy even.
How do I convince him to let me experience this one bit of wildness and get tatted up before I officially enter Old Fartsville?

Signed,
Wants a Tattoo

Dear WaT,
What is a tattoo but a permanent alteration of the pigment in a specific area of the skin. Tattoos, like hair or shoes, entirely impartial and neutral. They are inherently neither trashy or classy. Trashy is an adjective that describes a lifestyle or set of lifestyle choices. A tattoo might represent a trashy lifestyle choice, but it doesn’t have to.

Deeming something to be trashy or lowbrow is an incredibly loaded sort of opinion. Not only does it stratify people and there choices based on sometimes capricious criteria, but it needlessly puts one person above another is a false and rather hurtful way.

Continued after the cut...

There is evidence that humans have been engaging in tattooing for more than 10,000 years. Ten thousand years, hundreds of thousands of people, some millions of tattoos, could they all have been ‘trashy’? Tattooing crosses language and cultural barriers, it can be found in civilizations all around the world. Reasons for getting a tattoo can vary from differentiating ranks within a society to sharing a personal history on one’s own body to a permanent symbolic representation of beliefs or values.

A tattoo is inherently neutral, it cannot be ‘trashy’, it is possible that it could represent something ‘trashy’, but who gets to decide what is considered ‘trashy’? Is your husband specially trained in a sort of universal art of categorizing people? Why would something as neutral and yet diverse as tattooing get to be part of the equation?

A tattoo is neither trashy nor classy. The person wearing the tattoo might fall into one category or another based on someone’s opinions, but the tattoo is blameless. If your husband knows and loves you, then it would seem reasonable that he does not see you as a trashy person. Ask him why he thinks that a bit of color on your skin would change you in such a fundamental way? Why would you be different after the addition of some pigments? You would not be different. This is true,

As with anything, this is your body and your decision to make. I would recommend that whatever you choose for a tattoo, make it something personal, something that reflects who you are at this time and in this space. Make is something you will cherish even as you age and your skin starts to droop and sag.

Often there is the argument made that one should not get a tattoo because it is permanent and you will grow old and your tattoo will become stretched and misshapen. People say, “no one wants to see a saggy tattoo on someone!” to that I respond, “really? no one? not one single person would look upon a tattoo on an elderly arm and ask about it? would want to hear the story of the tattoo and wonder about its significance?” I just do not buy into that argument. And besides, when you’re 90 your skin is going to be old and saggy whether or not you have a tattoo there. Anyone who makes it to 90 and still cares about the opinions of the whippersnappers, probably has other issues.

Over on Shira's Tribe there is a spin-off discussion on what theater skills we think bellydancers could benefit from knowing. As an amateur actor all my life, and a theater major at the University of Washington, and community theater participant for many years, I definitely retain many of my skills (and expectations) that were nurtured in the theater. I try to pass those on to my students throughout their class and performance experiences, but sometimes I feel like we need a whole class dedicated to theater skills, and a big stage production to show them how it all fits together! There is a lot to be learned there for our dance world...

As for what dancers need to know that theater people know...can I say EVERYTHING?! The short list I shared with the tribe (with a few additions) follows.

Professional behavior such as:

• being on time* and prepared for rehearsals and performances


• having all your costuming and props and make-up without having to be reminded and chased after by someone else


• strong entrances and exits


• staying in character


• considering your body line and presentation at all times


• projection (in this case, emotional/energetic)


• finding your light/use of stage


• being in the moment and not just doing things by wrote


• not wearing your costume outside a show


• graciously accepting compliments


• taking notes from your director with gratitude and applying them immediately


• using critique as a method of improvement, rather than internalizing it emotionally


• how to audition, and the role of auditioning in your career (hint: it's not just to get the roles you want, it's to learn how to get the roles you want someday)


• continue honing your craft


• there is more than one method to improve your skills, and it's your job to seek them out


• stronger performers will get roles of greater exposure or responsibility


• dilligence and dedication pay off, but...


• not all plays or roles (performance groups) are for all people and...


• the best (actor) isn't always the one who gets the biggest role--there is a lot that goes into those decisions, and YES even your personality and looks can play into that


• not getting the role you want is not an excuse to give up and throw in the towel, get pissed at the director, or otherwise curse and cry--there will be other opportunities, and if you truly love this enough to want to do it professionally and want this role of responsibility someday, you keep plugging away at it. This is what we call "growing a thick skin".

* "ON TIME IS LATE". We NEVER showed up to rehearsals or performances right at "call time". You showed up as much as a half hour early, because you wanted to gather your props and costumes where they were needed, settle in, talk to your fellow performers, discuss changes with the director, BEFORE you had to be getting into make-up or costume.

As I thought about this list, I realized why I think these are all such issues in the bellydance world.

The things we have listed in the theater world are primarily factors which hinge on the performers working as a team. Striking a set together so it's easier on all of the performers to come back and make magic again tomorrow. Taking care of your costumes and not making the costume mistress more work that night. Being on time. Not upstaging one another. Listening carefully to the director, and applying what they tell you for the benefit of everyone's performance. Even in a "one man show", there are so many cogs in the machine, and we need to oil it together to keep it running. If we don't support them in their roles, they can't support us in ours, and we all fall.

On the other hand, though there are many many troupes in the dance world, it is still primarily soloists**. And many teachers and performers are always parroting the "it's all about self-expression", which is definitely true, but I think often it is being said in a way that is translating to "it's all about YOU (me)". This self-absorption ties into so many other things, such as our ongoing beef with performances which are mere masturbatory displays with no consideration of the space, venue, audience, even music. We focus so much on trying to help students tap into their inner diva to be able to express something from deep within themselves, that we are getting just that--self-absorbed divas. Maybe we aren't spending enough time giving them a clear context in which that dance must be considered--a world filled with other people, in your audience and on and around your stage. We aren't giving them clear enough consequences when they don't meet the standards which must be demanded in order for the greater "machine" of a shared stage to run smoothly. They need to be reminded it is NOT all about them, and that their actions create consequences for the dance world around them, on both small and large scales...

**I am not trying to say that these problems do not exist in troupes or troupe members! I just meant that there is a focus in the dance world on the individual that is driven by its primarily solo-nature.

I think the difference between me and a lot of the people I meet in internet discussion group debates is that I almost never enter a discussion deciding that I have all the answers I need. I go in thinking that even if everyone else disagrees with me, and even if I am not convinced to change my position in any way, I have an opportunity to learn by talking through my thoughts and hearing theirs. I am grateful to all those who would stand up and, thoughtfully and tactfully, speak an opposing opinion to mine. In the case of people who engage in fair debate, it takes courage, conviction, and a deep seated passion for the topic to jump into the "fray".

I am not easily rattled when people start to get flustered or even personal, because it is a weakness in THEIR character that they can't find constructive words to express their viewpoint. Absolutely I am known to slip, give in to my frustration, and speak flippantly when I would be better served by stepping away and breathing. I am human, and I am not the most enlightened of beings. But I know that the minute I try to shut someone else down entirely, no matter how rude or ignorant they are coming across I am missing
1) the opportunity to teach them what I have learned
2) learn their viewpoint and how they came to it and maybe either be swayed, just see it from another side, or learn how better to educate others in a similar future encounter

For those would feel too shy or intimidated to engage in online discussions, and are lurkers of the highest order, I issue you a challenge. Pick one discussion a month and put in your two cents. Even if you think it has already been said before, the way you say it, and the way you see it from your unique perspective, may be just the thing one single other human being (or more likely MANY) who reads it needed to hear it.

Your challenge begins now. Go onto tribe, or Bhuz, or OrientalDancer.net, or Facebook, and share something from your heart or mind. Be open to what response you may get, and think about what you can learn from it. See if it doesn't take you in some new directions.

Over on tribe there is a discussion going on about soliciting feedback, and how to get honesty out of people rather than always having smoke blown up your patoot by well-meaning friends and family. Fariha has fantastic, almost obvious, advice that I am going to implement IMMEDIATELY:

"They might be more honest if you show it to them as a work in progress. For example, take some girls getting ready to go out on the town together. If I ask my friend about an outfit and I have something else to change into she'll tell me if it won't work BEFORE I wear it in public and save me the embarrassment. But if we're already out she won't embarrass me by bringing it up."

Three cheers for Fariha! Not only does this place our would-be critics in the right frame of mind, it also puts US in the right frame of mind to receive it. If we think of our work as a work in progress all the time, then we are open to criticism to help us develop it over time. I love this!

I recently watched Bahaia's "Combinography" video. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't a huge fan of the content overall, but this one line was so well articulated, I had to share it with you!

"Your dance is a way of expressing yourself. Would you like your dance to be more like a poem or an encyclopedia?
While there's a lot of knowledge in an encyclopedia, it might not be as expressive as a poem. A poem takes only a few words. So your dance could take only a few steps and still express more about you than all of the steps you know which could fill an encyclopedia."

Yes! I often remind my students that one really meaningfully executed move, done with intention and passion, can be far more enthralling than the same move done three or four times with nothing behind it.

Be a poem! Thanks, Bahaia!

Zen Habits really just has some of the best articles! Here is an excerpt, and I encourage you to pop over and read the rest for yourself:

"How often are you driving while talking on a cell phone, or thinking about work problems, or the errands you have to do? How often do you eat without thinking about the food you’re eating? How often do you drift off while doing other things, thinking about something you messed up on, or worrying about something that’s coming up?

I would submit that most of us are elsewhere, much of the time, rather than in the here and now.

If I could only give one word of advice to someone trying to find peace in an overwhelming and stressful and chaotic world, it would be this: simplify. But if I could give two more words of advice, they’d be: be present."

This article came from a suggestion from commenter Mark, after I wrote about ways to create a peaceful, relaxed workday. It’s an article I’d been planning to write for some time, but Mark spurred me to do it sooner — so thanks Mark!

Focus On Now
There are three things we can think about:

1. The past. Reliving things we messed up about. Being embarrassed about something we did. Wishing we could have something back that is gone. Living in memories of good times past. Being angry about things done to us. You get the idea.
2. The future. Worrying about things we need to do later. Worrying about what might happen, or a big event coming up. Being anxious that things might go wrong, or that we might mess up. Hoping for something wonderful. Dreaming of great things to come.
3. The present. What is happening right now, at this moment. What we are doing now.

It is inevitable that we will think about all three. We cannot stop ourselves from thinking about the past or the future. However, with practice, we can focus on the present more than we already do.

But why should we do that? What’s wrong with focusing on the past or future? Nothing’s wrong with it. It isn’t wrong to think about past or future. However, there’s nothing we can do about things that have already happened, and worrying or agonizing about them doesn’t usually do us much good. I’d suggest analyzing what happened, learning from it, and moving on. It’s much healthier.

We also can’t control the future. It’s impossible. We can do things that will change the future, but they might change the future in ways we cannot anticipate. Or they might not change things at all. And the only thing we can do about the future is do something … now. In the present. So focusing on what we do now is the best way to improve the future. Not thinking about the future. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals or shouldn’t plan — but goals change (I know this first-hand, as my goals at the end of 2007 were completely different from what they were at the beginning). Plans change. We must be prepared for that change not by overplanning, but by being in the moment and rolling with the punches.

There’s also the problem of missing the present. If we spend most of our time thinking about the past or future, we are missing life itself. It’s passing us by while we’re elsewhere. You can’t get the most out of life unless you learn to focus on being present, while things are happening. Thinking about your childhood, or your kid’s future, is useless if your kids’ childhood is passing by without you being there.

Benefits of Being in the Moment
I’ve noticed a ton of benefits from my increased focus on the present. Here are just a few to consider:

1. Increased enjoyment. I find that I enjoy life more if I’m present rather than having my mind elsewhere. Food tastes better, I have more fun with my family, even work becomes more enjoyable.
2. Reduced stress. Worrying about the past and future gives you stress. But being present is almost like meditation. There are no worries. There is just experiencing.
3. Better relationships. When you really commit yourself to being with someone, to listening to them, you are being a better father, husband, friend, daughter, girlfriend. You have better conversations. You bond.
4. Get things done. I find that focusing on what I’m doing, rather than trying to multitask or multithink a million different things at once, I actually complete what I’m doing, do a better job on it, and get it done faster. I don’t necessarily do more, but I get things done. Focus tends to get things done, in my experience, and when your focus is split among a lot of things, it is less powerful.

The Magic of Flow
There’s a concept called Flow that’s been pretty popular among productivity circles in the last couple of years. I’m a big fan of it myself. In a nutshell, it’s basically losing yourself in whatever you’re doing — reaching that magical zone where you forget about the outside world and are completely doing what you’re doing, whether that’s writing or drawing or coding or whatever.

It’s a wonderfully productive zone to be in, and a state that also, incidentally, makes you happier. Productive and happier at the same time. Hard to beat that.

However, it can’t happen if you’re switching between tasks or thinking about the past or the future. It basically happens when you are in the present. So practicing being present will help you get to flow, which makes you happier and more productive. Best argument yet for being present, perhaps.

Practice, Practice
There’s no single method that will get you better at being present. I don’t have the magical formula, except one word that I often tell my kids when they’re learning anything or striving to be better at anything: practice.

You won’t be good at it at first, most likely. Your mind will wander, or you’ll do a lot of “meta-thinking”, which is just thinking about what you’re thinking, and whether you’re thinking it the right way, and whether there is a right way … and so on, until you’re no longer in the present. That’s normal. We all do that, I think.

Don’t beat yourself up about that. Don’t get discouraged. Just practice.

So what’s the magical method for learning to be present? Practice.

You do it in the morning. You practice it while eating lunch. You do it with your evening jog or walk. You do it while washing dishes after dinner. Every opportunity you get, practice.

And you’ll get better. I promise.

One Month Challenge
The best method I can offer for learning to be present, the best method for practicing, is to focus on it for one month. Make focusing on being present a habit. If you make it your only focus, I guarantee you’ll get better at it, and more importantly, you’ll get into the habit of remembering to focus, of remembering to practice, of being more aware.

Do a one-month challenge. It’s the best method for forming new habits, and it works for being present. A good way to do this is join the monthly challenge on the Zen Habits forums. Then do the following:

* Tell people on the forum what your monthly challenge will be (focusing on being present).
* Log in daily to report on your progress. This gives you the accountability and motivation needed.
* Do the tips below every day for a month.

“The living moment is everything.” - D.H. Lawrence

Tips On Being Present
You just knew I couldn’t end this post without a list of tips. So here are things that have worked for me … pick and choose the ones that you think will work best for you:

1. When you eat, just eat. The best way to think about being present is this: do just one thing at a time. When you are eating, don’t read or think about something else or iron your clothes (especially if you’re eating something that might splatter on the clothes). Just eat. Pay attention to what you’re eating. Really experience it — the taste, the texture. Do it slowly. Same thing with anything else: washing dishes, taking a shower, driving, working, playing. Don’t do multiple things at once — just do what you’re doing now, and nothing else.

2. Be aware. Another important step is to become more aware of your thoughts. You will inevitably think about the past and future. That’s OK. Just become aware of those thoughts. Awareness will bring change.

3. Be gentle. If you think about the past or future, do not beat yourself up about it! Don’t try to force those thoughts out of your head. Just be aware of them, and gently allow them to leave. Then bring yourself back to the present.

4. Zazen. Ah, you were wondering when Zen Habits would have anything to do with Zen, right? Zazen is basically the center of Zen practice. It’s simply sitting. It’s a form of meditation, but really it’s just sitting. You don’t have to contemplate Zen koans or the meaning of the universe or chant anything. You just sit, and focus on sitting. I haven’t done this much recently, but when I have, it has been very useful practice for me.

5. Exercise. These days, exercise is my zazen. Running is my sitting practice. I run, and try to only run. I focus on my running, on my breathing, on my body, on nothing but the present. It’s great practice.

6. Daily routines. Anything can be your zazen. When you wash dishes, this is practice. This is your meditation. When you walk, focus on walking. Make anything you do become practice.

7. Put up reminders. A reminder on your fridge or computer desktop or on your wall is a good thing. Or use a reminder service to send you a daily email. Whatever it takes to keep your focus on practicing being present.

8. There is no failure. You will mess up, but that’s OK, because it is impossible to mess up. The only thing that matters is that you practice, and over time, if you keep doing it, you will learn to focus on the present more often than you do now. You cannot fail, even if you stop doing it for awhile. Doing it at all is success. Celebrate every little success.

9. Keep practicing. When you get frustrated, just take a deep breath. When you ask yourself, “What should I do now, Self?”, the answer is “keep practicing”.


This article was re-printed with permission from the fabulous Zen Habits blog!

On a local discussion group, the topic of "Best Advice and Lesssons" came up--people started sharing some of the key lessons they have learned from their teachers over the years.

There are so many pieces of advice that I have received over the years, but I think the most important lessons weren't put into words, but put into practice and learned by example.

Like how on the technique side, some of my teachers and fellow dancers really taught me the value of "white space" in dance--that not everything needs to be go-go-go-go! That by having stillness offset the movement, we make the movement more dynamic. "Pregnant pauses" can be just as powerful as your biggest move. Aziza of Montreal is one great example of this to me (then again, she could just stand there and probably mesmerize an audience for about 15 minutes straight :)

On a personal side of things, some teachers taught me the value of connection and communication in the classroom. Some taught me the value of this by NOT having it--the lack of it really driving home how much I feel the need for it. But I know that Paulette Rees-Denis of Gypsy Caravan was my biggest inspiration in building community because of her ability to draw people together and inspire cooperation and mutual support in the dance.

I also have loved the lesson of dance as a sort of "moving pictures". For me, one important aspect of bellydance is the question "is it beautiful?" No, it doesn't always have to be, but I think it is a primary component in successful bellydance. Some teachers drove home the idea of creating beautiful lines, playing with open and closed spaces, elegant and strong shapes--the idea that if a photographer snapped a photo at any given time, it would make a powerful image. Of course, we all know there are tons of times in our dance when we are mid-undulation or something (which they always manage to catch! ;), but that moving from one strong shape or "picture" to the next makes for beautiful dance. Carolena Nericcio of FatChanceBellydance is a big influence for me in this philosophy--as a designer and visual artist, she has an innate sense of line and shape, tension and release, and how it creates lovely pictures in the dance...

So some things we learn by being told or seeing it positively demonstrated so often it gets into us. But still other things we learn by seeing what we *don't* like, or don't want, or don't appreciate being demonstrated. So while I know some people don't like going to a "negative" place by analyzing things we do not prefer, I think there is as much to be learned about what is important to us by looking at the good things as well as what we would categorize as unsuccessful in our opinion. Pay attention to your instincts--what are they trying to tell you?

Q.

"I took ATS from another local teacher for 6 months, and have been taking cabaret for about 2.5 years from Teacher X and Teacher Y, and also had workshops with Zoe, Rachel Brice, Ariellah, Suhaila Salimpour, and Caroleena (sic) in San Francisco. Though you would not believe it from watching me. I took a hiatus since feeling that I wasn't where I should be after 3 years. But I love bellydance, so I have turned to you because I have always been wowed by your troupes performances and thought it would be so great to be a part of that."

A. With regard to your frustrations with where you think you should be at any given time in your dance, we all hit plateaus in our dance life, and maybe you have been stuck at one for a time. Shaking things up can help push us through those barriers. If I may offer some perspective from my experiences? Truthfully, focusing on one style that really resonates with you can be a big help in seeing marked improvement over time. I love Teacher X, and hear great things about Teacher Y, and you are blessed to be taking from them surely! But their styles are very very different approaches to movement and musical interpretation than you get with group improvisation. It can be difficult to expect our bodies to build the muscle memory necessary to push things to the next level when we are constantly switching gears back and forth between different skill-sets. (I address this in my FAQ Here ) I know my students who split their studies between multiple styles are often the ones who get stuck the most often and for the longest time, unable to really ramp up their skills in group improvisation as they should or could if they were 100% focused on one style.

Now I am not saying that dancers should isolate themselves and limit their studies to only one single style for all time, forever and ever amen. But I do run across the "Jack of all trades, master of none" syndrome quite a lot in the bellydance world, particularly in fusion and tribal circles. Where we are just taking in too much at once, hopping from style to style, concept to concept, and we never really let our minds and our muscle memory latch onto and develop a solid set of cohesive skills over time. Imagine if you were studying history, for instance. And you had chapters on each decade of even just American history. And you were constantly skipping around, reading a paragraph about the 1930's, then reading a paragraph about the 90's, then jumped back to the 20's, then into the 60's, and so on. How well do you think you would really retain useful information and a true understanding of any given period of history, and how much of it would just end up being trivial facts useful only for the 200-level Jeopardy questions?

Something to think about as you move forward: What style really resonates with you? What do you see yourself performing in the years ahead, if performing is your goal? Think not only of costuming and music, but of what movement really gets your creative juices flowing and gets you excited about coming to class every week (or multiple times a week!). One of my favorite all-time dance quotes is the following:

"The most essential thing in dance discipline is devotion, the steadfast and willing devotion to the labor that makes the classwork not a gymnastic hour and a half, or at the lowest level, a daily drudgery, but a devotion that allows the classroom discipline to become moments of dancing too..." *Merce Cunningham*

To what dance, what style, what teacher, what classroom, what discipline can you really see yourself devoted to? Chew on that for a little bit and see what solution percolates to the top.

I have often been asked by dancers in small towns or remote areas about the dilemma of not having a teacher in their area, and what they can do to learn and dance with others as they would like. Particularly for us ATS/Tribal dancers, you can't really dance without a group to dance WITH, so it can be frustrating to be stuck without a community to draw from. Many times they think their only option is to start teaching themselves. And in some cases, that may be true...IF the student has prepared themselves to teach either through extensive experience studying under another professional teacher, and/or done a teacher training program with a trusted mentor.

There is often this impression in the bellydance world that a teacher is just the person with the most experience, or essentially: "in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is King." I don't agree with this sentiment, and feel strongly that one should only teach when they have trained appropriately, not just because no one else has studied much either!

So what is there to do when one finds themselves in a town or region without a qualified teacher, and they themselves are not yet prepared to become a teacher themselves? Form a dance collective! Read on...

For dancers who find themselves in an area where there are no qualified teachers, or no teachers in a particular style you wish to study, I recommend creating a Dance Collective or Club. Find other dancers interested in the dance, and meet once a week, or once every other week, or once a month--whatever works best for everyone. Meet at someone's house or rotate meeting at different dancers' houses, or if the group is too large or no appropriate free space is available, chip in $ to rent a space together. Then everyone take turns bringing a lesson, a video, a costuming project, something to share with the group. Then everyone explores that concept together for the duration, playing with it and turning it over and around to learn more about it, and end with some jam time. Keep rotating the responsibility of bringing the lesson. Don't let people just be hangers-on--everyone needs to contribute, so no one becomes a de-facto teacher or leader. Keep it equal and democratic as much as possible. Having one or two people to facilitate is good, to manage communications on where you are meeting, collecting money for rent, etc; but they should not be expected to teach or lead more than anyone else in the group. This keeps the group on even ground, and makes it so no one burns out on trying to keep things afloat while others are just taking advantage.

You can make it even more fun by rotating a snack-master! Or a wine master! Everyone takes a turn bringing a nibble or a drink to share with the group. You may choose different themes to work on each month or each quarter, such as different dance styles, geographical regions, music styles, troupes or dancers you admire and want to study, or what have you. This will keep things fresh and give you all a way to focus your energies and try new things.

As it grows, you can pool your energies and finances to host instructors in your town, sharing the financial burden with everyone benefiting from the chance to study with a professional teacher. You could put on community haflas or parties, and other networking opportunities to expand your group. The possibilities are endless. So no one is a teacher, it isn't a troupe...it's a collective, if you will. Everyone contributes, everyone benefits!

PORTABLE GLAMOUR: A BELLY DANCER'S GUIDE TO TRAVELING IN STYLE

Some great advice from the queen (princess!) of glamor. If she can pack light and look so great, then you know we mere peons can!

http://princessraqs.blogspot.com/2009/06/portable-glamour-belly-dancers-guide-to.html

Excerpted from the excellent http://www.artadvice.com/advice/article14.php

This is just one section of three wonderful brief paragraphs about what it means to live with, and try to understand, about an artist. Does this sound like you?

"Living with an artist isn't easy, particularly if you are the significant other. So, after living with and working with artists for over 20 years I've put together a few suggestions for you to share with your partners...

The concept of "working" was a hard one for me to understand. Often times I'd go into my husband's studio and see him sitting on the couch with the television on or listening to the radio…staring at his paintings. I'd been at my office all day, talking on the phone or busy with clients. This was not my idea of "work." It wasn't until I really understood the process of making a painting that I realized how much of the work is in just looking…thinking…imagining what it would be like to do this or that. Mental activity that to the lay person looks like relaxation. I could accept the fact that slathering paint around was work…but, sitting and staring, that was hard for me. What I came to learn was that the "looking," is the hardest part. It was kind of like hearing about the way Mozart wrote music. He wouldn't write anything down until he could hear it all in his head first, then he would write it out perfectly in a matter of minutes.

Contrary to the common stereotype of artists as slackers, artists are incredibly industrious and hard working. In most cases, regardless of what they do for a living, they are working on their obsession 24/7. Acknowledging this, can help tremendously in understanding an important aspect of an artists' character…and saving a relationship."

Paulette Rees-Denis, my original Dance Momma, shared this thought in her Caravan Trails/Tribal Travels online newsletter today, and it really resonated with me. I wanted to pass it on. If you would like to subscribe to Paulette's Newsletter by writing her at paulette@gypsycaravan.us or visit her blog (also in my blogroll) at http://www.tribalbellyanceblog.com

"Derek wrote:
http://sivers.org/hellyeah

No more yes. It's either HELL YEAH! or no.
Those of you who often over-commit or feel too scattered may appreciate a new philosophy I'm trying:
If I'm not saying “HELL YEAH!” about something, then say no.
Meaning: When deciding whether to commit to something, if I feel anything less than, “Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!” - then my answer is no. When you say no to most things, you leave room in your life to really throw yourself completely into that rare thing that makes you say “HELL YEAH!” We're all busy. We've all taken on too much. Saying yes to less is the way out."

T. Thorn Coyle posted this over on her Facebook and I enjoyed it so much that, with her permission, I wanted to share it here with you all. Don't know who Thorn is? Why, she is one of the original members of FatChance (pictured right with Paulette, at the Ancient Echoes Retreat), and while she doesn't dance much these days, she is a big part of the tribal family tree.

Read other thoughts by Thorn HERE

At the gym this morning, my body, mind, and emotions felt engaged. My breath was working and energy was flowing. My muscles strained and my heart pumped. I felt really good. There were some things that just felt strong in the workout, and other things I could barely do today, but did them anyway, as I was able to sense the ways in which they were helping me to grow more powerful.

Sound familiar? Yes. It is the same with any practice: the stretching, the engagement, the feeling good, and the feeling at the edge of our comfort zone.

My workouts last week were nothing like this. I was doing things by rote, and because I felt I should. My mind and emotions were not very engaged, though I made attempts at being present and aware, and at moving energy, because I have enough other training to do so. The contrast with this morning was huge. Last week, I had to try to harness and move energy, this week, the energy just moved, and I could concentrate on controlling where it went, and on moving my body in a more finely tuned fashion. It felt great.

What made the difference? I got a teacher.

I haven't done serious weight training in years and have just been going on what I learned in the late 80s, early 90s, during my FatChanceBellydance years. Needless to say, this time around, I did some of what I remembered, and did not push myself very hard, because despite having worked really hard in my life to get into my body and to feel physically engaged, my natural default is that of the intellectual: to be physically lazy. Hard for some of you to believe, I am sure, but it is true. All of my physical presence and awareness is the product of many years' practice and effort. Being in my body did not come naturally to me (and what does that say about alienation in our culture?). So my current workout felt minimally satisfying. But as physical exercise is one of my commitments to spiritual practice, I decided to get help.

Through a serendipitous turn of events, I was able to work out some barter of spiritual direction for physical coaching with Carey Rockland, a skilled athlete with a lot of training, good presence, and some intuitive skills. And yes, she's hot too, which always helps a workout. She pushed me some, corrected body placement, and gave me dynamic and interesting things to do with free weights, which are my favorites. I even got to say, "I can tell I'm going to have some resistance to this" which is something I get from my students all the time. We are always looking at the information that arises from resistance.

Today I took the workout she gave me and did it on my own. And loved it.

This was a good reminder to me of why teachers and mentors are so helpful. They see us for who we are and push us in directions we did not even know we could go. They bring their expertise to bear on our bodies, minds, emotions and spirits, and help us find our way. They encourage us to do things we don't want to do, things we resist, and show us the power that flows from these things over time. They enable us to expand into what is possible.