I DID IT!

I survived a week of Whole30 while traveling! My happy report:

Most every teacher I know has run into this question in one form or another from new students--some of us hear it many times a year. "I saw 'The World Famous Debbie Dancer' on YouTube. Can you teach me to dance like her?"

The short answer? No.
The only slightly longer answer?
Neither can she!

No teacher can truly teach you to dance just like them. What they can provide you is tools for your own dance--tools perhaps they themselves used to arrive at their own personal style, which you can then take to create your own personal style.

I am here in Lincoln, Nebraska getting ready to teach my first of two workshops at the Tribal Dreams Festival, and over breakfast this morning was chatting with Jawahara of Chicago about teaching and workshops and the culture of the bellydance world today as we know it. And one phenomenon we were talking about was the propensity for some dancers to come to classes or workshops wanting to be or dance just like another dancer. Jawahara was talking about dancers who would look at old footage of Taheya Carioca and Samia Gamal, and wanting to emulate every little nuance of those dancer's performances. For others, it might be like the many people who watch Rachel Brice or Aziza of Montreal, and try to make every single detail look and feel exactly the same.

It's a good jumping-off point, but the question is, are you trying to be them, or do you want to be you inspired by them?


Jawahara and I agreed on many points, but one that I want to share with you here is that every single teacher, every single class, every single workshop has something to teach you. Much like when we talked about the steady diet of fusion (Fusion As Dessert), if all you ever feed yourself is one teacher's interpretation, or one stylization, where is there room for you in the equation? And dammit, that's the juiciest, awesomest part! YOU!

Even if your ultimate goal is to devote yourself to one particular style, it behooves you to be open to many dance experiences, and always always be looking at how your personal flavor is being injected into the final product. When you walk into a workshop, don't just try to pick out finished ideas, sprung wholly formed from the instructor's forehead. Instead, learn to look more critically at what is being offered--at the individual pieces of information that make up the body of work the teacher is sharing with you--and learn to parse out bits that really speak to you personally. Look at the information as a tool bag, not a shopping list.

Tomorrow at Tribal Dreams, I will be teaching "Cook Your Own Combos"--a workshop designed for just this kind of thought process. Learning to break down movement into individual components which we can then remix to reflect our own style.  If you learn to see the dance as a collection of delicious spices and ingredients, rather than complete unalterable recipes, then you can cook up a new combo every day of the week and always inject your own flavor!  I can't teach you to dance like me, but I am happy to give you some tools to help you be your most fabulous self.

From Mish Mish via BellyTalk, a NW discussion group for bellydancers. It is confirmed by what Jamila told us at her weeklong, that she was essentially the one who conceived the sword as a bellydance prop:

"In Turkey and Arabic countries, dancing with a sword is done mainly by men
as a display of skill in combat or to prepare for battle. My troupe used to have
a Druse from Lebanon who did a spectacular sword dance his father had taught him
and I have seen videos of a Persian dance troupe where the men feign battle and
dance in unison.

Dancing while balancing a sword on your head has become popular in the United
States with soloists and troupes but there is no such tradition in Arabic
countries where balancing something on your head is a part of daily life, so
it's no big deal The idea for this dance can be traced back to Jamila Salimpour and her
seminal dance troupe, Bal Anat who became famous performing at the Renaissance
Fair in California in the 1970's. Jamila was inspired by an Oriental painting
from the late l9th Century by French artist Jean Leon Gerome of a group of
musicians and a dancer, probably a ghawazee, dancing with a sword balanced on
her head and another held in her hand. The swords belonged to the Turkish
soldiers in the background who had undoubtedly hired the dancers to entertain
them. A replica of this painting appears on Aisha Ali's recording of "Music of
the Ghawazee" As Jamila's influence spread throughout the USA, so to did the
practise of balancing a sword on your head."

I came across an article I remember reading before (and maybe even posted here, not sure and didn't have time to search), and thought it was timely and interesting to read. From Aziza Sa'id's blog

Today my students were teachers, Belly Dancing and Yoga. The first of today’s Big Questions is one of my favorites… Why Do You Do What You Do? Dance? Yoga?

And people gave some real truths in answer: Because it’s fun; Because in it I find acceptance, of myself and others; Because I feel beautiful; Because I feel at peace; Because it is a way to create and express myself; Because I feel healthier; Because I feel better in and about my body when I do.

Because I love it.

And here’s where I need to say… No. You don’t. You do not love yoga, or dance.

You think you do, but you don’t. The “it” is not the object of your love… you do NOT love yoga or dance.

What you really love is Who You Are when you do it.

The dance, the yoga, it is a vehicle. It is the way, the path, the mechanism. It is Your way, it is what is working best for you right now, and may always be what works best for you, but it is still just a tool.

Consider this… when I taught ballroom dance for a living, nobody ever came in because they needed to learn to waltz. They THOUGHT they needed to learn to waltz… but… did they really? Was it that they needed a box step and a hesitation and an underarm turn to make their life complete?

"Really, I just desperately NEEEEED a box step! Pleeease! I am not whole until I have one!"

Or did they need what those moves were going to give them? The ability to go and do something fun with their spouse? The confidence to talk to a beautiful woman and know they were going to be able to entertain her? The knowledge and relief they would not look like fools on their wedding day?

What you really love is Who You Are and How You Feel when you do it.

It’s like strawberries. I say I love strawberries. But really, is it that I love them? Or is it that I love the sensation of their taste? The feeling of delight that comes from looking at their shiny redness? The stimulation of feeling their smooth and stubbly brail exterior? The sweet and sour satisfaction of eating them? What I love is the sensation of strawberries. I am grateful for their existence, but what I love is how I experience them.

What you love about yoga, about dance, is how you experience yourself and the world and others when you do it.

So… to my teachers I say… what is it, really, that you love?

Because once you know that, you will know what and why you teach. And then you can really teach it.

Sometimes I feel a little upset when people imply that because I dance as my vocation, that somehow I don't do it for the love of it. My personal take on it is that I love it SO MUCH that I rearranged my entire life, gave up a sizable income I used to make in more lucrative jobs, and passionately commit my energies to being a more knowledgable dancer, a better teacher, and a professional and polished performer. That isn't to say that those who don't follow my same path don't love it as much as I do--the stars aligned such that I could devote my life to it as I do--but conversely it doesn't mean I only do this for the money or for what it "gets" me.

So I think it is unfair for either side to accuse the other of lack of love driving their decisions in what is or is not appropriate to be termed bellydance. But I strongly believe that lack of experience, a lack of empathy, and/or a dose of ignorance can combine to create a dancer who is unable to appreciate why people fight so hard to define bellydance, tribal bellydance, etc; and why these same dancers eschew the idea of boundaries and responsibilities which the name "bellydancer" encompasses.

I feel blessed to get to have dance be my primary focus in my life. I thank Paulette throughout the year for "giving me my life", because she is the one who so inspired me to pursue dance as a profession through teaching. It was by taking workshops with her, and watching her example of integrity and community-building, that I found what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to build up a community through the dance as she did. I wanted to help other dancers with a call to tribal bellydance find their place in the dance more easily than I did (there was no tribal teachers in Seattle when I started learning, and I wanted to change that for my city). I have spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours over the years traveling, studying, researching, practicing, and developing into the dancer and teacher I am today. And I have soooo much more yet to do. I will never stop learning. But all of these efforts paint the picture of someone who does it for the love. Because God knows I have spent more on the dance than I have gotten back monetarily, but what I have gotten spiritually, mentally, and physically from it is immeasurable. It is for that often intangible reward that I press on day after day, year after year, to be the best I can be; for both myself and for the students who put their trust in me.

I never got into bellydance for the money, I didn't make a career of it for the money, and I still don't make a livable wage off of it, at least not the life that I live right now (my hubby pays the mortgage, my friends). I fell in love with it, just like so many others who pursue it, whether they be hobbyist or pro. And my love affair grew and become more and more consuming of my being, just like so many others. Just because I was motivated and empowered to make it my career doesn't mean any of that has diminished. And in many ways, I think we who do it for a living have to fight the hardest to keep the love alive--when all you have is fun in the dance, it's easy to love it. It's harder to stay in love when it's real *work*! When it is your career, it's easy to become exhausted, throw up your hands, and give up when you have so many business details that can muddy the simple joy of it. The fact that we pros stick around, participate in the community, give our opinions, listen to others, share our knowledge, and continue to be passionate about what we do, rather than become jaded and blase about all the details of the art, speaks to our love for it.

So the next time you hear someone imply that pros don't do it for the love, send them over here. Let them have a chance to reconsider what they are saying, and appreciate what it means to make your avocation your vocation.

Over on Momma Paulette's blog she wrote late last year about moving with grace while still being grounded. I enjoyed this summation at the end of the post:

That is what should happen in tribal when you are following your leader. The leader takes charge, listening to the music, and dancing with intention and deliberation, in the groove, and paying attention to who is following her. As a follower, you need to be in the flow, and not even think about what could happen next. Just move your feet or hips or arms, trust your body, stay light on your feet, yet grounded, feel the energy of the movement and the moment, and just do it. Quit thinking! Know what I mean?

Yeah, I do know what you mean!

A quote about yoga practice, but really about any classroom...

"When you're burdened with a million errands and anxieties, what your well-being requires is an exercise regime that, first and foremost, leaves no room for mental wandering."

This is exactly why you students must challenge yourselves in class. When it's easy, your mind wanders right out the door into the past, into the future. When you are working your limit, if your mind wanders, you fall, you lose the pose. Keep your practice interesting enough to stay in your body and on your mat. When your mind has the luxury of drifting in Yoga class, you are not working hard enough. Take the next advanced variation. There is a deeper place waiting for you.

How do you know you're working too hard and need to back off? If you're straining, if you can't quite catch your breath, time to take it down a notch. Find the place in yourself where you are embodied, grounded, connected to deep, slow, rhythmic breath."


--Michelle Myhre

I was musing to my husband recently about musical choices, and how our troupe went from a good mix of folkloric and funky, to straight up funky, and is now trying to bring back in some of that folkloric. I compared funky music to dessert--you would have this really great yummy sweet unexpected thing to cap off the "meat" of the performance. He agreed and said that with the use of primarily funky music in recent years, our sets had maybe become a little one-dimensional. "It's like all you're giving them (the audience) any more is dessert!" And we all know what happens when we eat too much dessert. We get sick of it!
I know when Chris agrees, I am onto something. Heh He has a keen eye, and is not critical without constructive feedback.

This is definitely what I have been feeling in watching bellydance performances these days, as well. From haflas to festivals, it seems everyone wants to jump right to dessert, and is skipping out on the equally delicious, but far more hearty, main course. All night we are fed sweets after sweets after sweets, and it gets artistically nauseating before too long. And one starts to crave a nice juicy steak, hold the whip cream please!!

And there is something else to the dessert analogy: "additives and preservatives". So many of these sweet desserts are made up of artificial sweeteners and coloring. So little organic, natural expression is coming through. Everyone wants to clown it up so much, hoping to bury the chemical taste of contrived art under a heavy scoop of confetti and laughter. Why are we all so eager to jump to the easy sell, instead of getting to the root of the dance and just sharing it from our hearts? I think a lot of artists are truly afraid of being "boring"--and jaded audiences sure can be dismissive if they see anything that looks even remotely like something they have seen before. Blame it on television, blips and boops, the daily one-upmanship of the media.

I know I am victim of this mentality at times. Just the other day I was talking with some fellow dancers about how we often hesitate to adopt "yet another FatChance move" into our vocabulary, because we don't want to look too much like them or be compared to them constantly. Of course we want to speak with our own voice, and not appear to be banking on the work of another artist. Yet I have always felt that choosing NOT to do something because someone else is doing it can be just as limiting as choosing to DO something because someone else is doing it. In either case, we are allowing someone else's choices affect our own. We are locking ourselves off from artistic possibilities that are open to us, out of what? Fear? Jealousy? What is really at the base of these choices? Why can't we be humble in the face of others' great art, and if it is offered to us and we love it, why not embrace it? Conversely, if we are given something and it doesn't feel quite right, we should just as enthusiastically change that which needs changing to suit our true expression. And ultimately these questions should be asked! Is this new idea really "me" (or "us")? Am I doing this for attention/fame, or because it resonates with some integral part of my being? Why am I itching for change so much, when what I am doing and creating now is still beautiful and relevant and entertaining? Were the changes I have made in the past god choices, or do they need reevaluation?

I am rambling...

So I feel good in the music shift I have been making in my classes, and now pushing for in troupe. Everyone seems on board with the direction, and it feels really good to me. I think with our shift in costuming in the last year or so, as well, some more folky music really suits the aesthetic, and yet the modern twist/edge we put on it all is a nice surprise and keeps us contemporary for our genre. Getting back to the "classics" musically has also been inspiring to me in movement and choreography, which has felt a little stale recently and thus I have not been creating very much. I look forward to some nice juicy "steaks" topped off with the well-placed "sundae" in the coming year. :)

See, three posts in three days? You can thank Asharah for this one.
Asharah posted in her journal earlier this year last year about "honesty" in dancing. And it just got me postin', so I thought I would post a bit over here.


I see a lot of contrived performances--in aesthetic and execution. I see a lot of inauthentic dancers. Dancers who are not being their authentic selves on stage. They are clawing and grasping at trying to be or do the next big thing. I remember one gal at a workshop I taught not too long ago saying she was going to take a hula class because she was excited about the possibilities of fusing it with her bellydance, but then she found out Unmata was already pretty famous for that, so she was going to try and find something else to study to fuse. I was stunned into silence.

That, to me, is the quintessential problem these days: reverse engineering fusion. So many dancers are shoehorning things into bellydance just to try and be new and different--rather than pursuing your bliss and letting that fusion organically flow in the process. The best of all worlds of classical or fusion bellydance forms is when someone is just dancing their own being and that which grows out of their experiences organically. Isn't that what we are always saying is a primary root of bellydance as we know it? Honestly and openly revealing something of ourselves in the dance, rather than trying to gauge what will get the best reaction or the most buzz, and chasing after that? Is not "dancing our stories" the very essence of bellydance?

This is part of why my troupe has taken a very conscious step back from the entire tribal "scene" in the last year. We were frankly exhausted with the frantic "lookatmeeee!"/"wannabeeee!" energy that flows through it so much any more. We really missed that familial warmth, the genuine baring of souls through dance, the meeting of like-minds, unaffected groove behind the community that drew us to it in the first place. We wanted to get back to our own roots and remind ourselves what we stand for, what we dance for, and what we want to communicate in our work; separate from the grasping expectations of tribal audiences who lately seem too easily bored and jaded by anything that has "been done". We didn't want to stay on that train of constantly trying to go to the creative well, and becoming artistically contrived when the genuine inspiration dried up.

So we slowed down, and it feels good. Really good. And our work feels more honest, more pure. We honestly haven't had any big new things come of it yet. We are on our own creative schedule. We turned our energy inward toward one another and the voice we want to speak with. We have been honing our most basic technique and revisiting our foundations to make ourselves stronger overall. And when we come back out "on the scene", if we have something new and amazing to show for it, great. And if not, we can at least be assured we are stronger, better, and being true to ourselves.

Asharah also posted a link to a blog post by Amy of Kallisti Tribal which explores her thoughts on "Fusion, Performance, and Skill," which I really enjoyed. Hope you do, too!

_____________

Original Post by Asharah/Abigail Keyes
"I appreciate an honest performance. One without airs, gimmicks, gratuitous costuming, or obvious trend following.

But how do you know when a performance is honest? How can you tell when the performer is genuinely enjoying herself without worrying about impressing the audience or whether her performance will be well-received?

I thought back to my skating days, when my mother and I would get annoyed at the skaters who were rewarded by their use of gimmicks and props, while the skaters will skill and musicality weren't always recognized.

In belly dance, I think gimmicks are also overused, and often point to a disingenuous performance. My friend the Oxford English Dictionary says that a "gimmick" is "a tricky or ingenious device, gadget, idea, etc., especially one adopted for the purpose of attracting attention or publicity." In this definition, there is an inherent intend to trick or mislead. In my mind, a gimmick in a performance can be used to distract the audience away from the fact that a dancer is not accomplished or secure enough for her dancing to stand alone. That gimmick could be the use of an unusual prop, wearing provocative or unusual costuming, using catchy music, or gratuitous humor. (This is not to say that I believe that anyone who uses a prop is doing so because they can't dance. On the contrary, I've seen many a skilled dancer use props in a manner that compliments and enhances her dance.)

Other elements that seem to tip off a performance that isn't wholly honest is gratuitous use of trendy or scandalous music, overly-revealing costuming for the sake of garnering attention, or scandalous movements. These things are also gimmicks, inadvertently placing skill and expression behind gaining attention or notoriety.

I think it takes a long time and a wise dancer to give an honest performance. The most honest and raw performances I've seen are from dancers who have either been dancing their whole life or who have been dancing for 20 or more years. It's difficult for a new performer to have the confidence and sense of self to give an honest performance. Many of us newbies are still focusing on whether our technique is correct or whether or not the audience cares or appreciates what we're doing, or whether or not our costume might... "malfunction." An experienced performer is so open on stage that she's not paying attention to these things - she isn't paying attention to anything, in the conscious sense. It's as if she's turning her emotional self inside out, baring her shadows for all of us to see, and she isn't worrying about whether or not we like what we're seeing. She just IS, and that's all that matters."

I have really been loving learning more about ATS and really digging into those roots. It's beautiful, it's powerful, and so much of what I have wanted to inject into my dancing but didn't quite know how. As soon as I started exploring it I started feeling it, and I feel it has been a good path to take for me.

In my teacher training this past winter/spring, Carolena stated that she doesn't see why anyone doing tribal improv should want or need to do anything more than what she has already created. She feels the dance style is whole and complete as it stands, and anyone wanting to do it needs to adhere to that. With due respect to this incredible woman I am coming to know and respect even more than I already do, my being rebels against this assertion, and feels counter to what it means *to me* to be an artist.

To me, this is like someone saying "You can paint pictures, but you can only use these paint colors, and these brush strokes. You can only paint the Approved Painting Styles on this specific Approved Canvas and cannot deviate from that. Why would you need to do anything else? This collection of colors and strokes is whole and perfect and needs no changes. Though if you wish to add to our palette, you must first get approval from me on the colors and brushstrokes, then we will test your theories, and if we deem them worthy, we will disseminate these colors and techniques throughout our collective so everyone can continue to paint the same colors in the same way." It's like a room full of Van Gogh's, and never a Kandinsky.

I feel torn at times with how I feel about this approach.

I do *understand* the desire to keep terminology clear. Carolena's seen more than her fair share of what she has created being completely bastardized, yet people claim to be doing what she does. And frankly, if it walks and talks like a duck, it's a duck, and if it walks and talks like a gorilla in a duck costume, it's a gorilla in a duck costume. Sadly, not everyone can tell the difference, and perhaps Carolena is trying to turn back time and change that. I admire her courage to stand up for her art, and her honesty about her motivations.

But it's the interest in buying into that which confounds me as an artist myself. I think that creation and building something from within YOU is part of being an artist. Being told what I can paint, how, and where is fine when I am first starting out--the path of most every artist is emulating those greater than themselves. But eventually, you start working to paint from the inside out, rather than the outside in; and all those lessons you learned along the way are now a part of you, and those different colors and brushstrokes find a home within you and are re-blended with other influences and are expressed through the lens of You-ness.

I completely understand that once one has started to express themselves in a unique way, it should take on another name. It IS something else, it is not that original creation any more. In this case, it has become another expression, style or format, and not ATS any more. But the idea that one could and should only ever want to use those moves, in that format, forever and ever, and deny your personal creative instincts in order to follow someone else's prescribed methods for all time...I personally can't get behind that. I have too many creative ideas of my own!

Now that I have really dug into ATS, and am enjoying its energy and form, it will absolutely influence me greatly going forward. I am already much more thoughtful about what I add to my dance and why (and some things I added before were ditched once my eyes were opened to this different way of looking at movement and format), and I do literally think "What would Carolena say about this kind of movement? Does it meet the basic requirements for ATS aesthetics? Does it flow and jive with those goals?" BUT then my very next question is, "Does it jive with my energy and my troupe and our hybrid version of ATS that we work with. Does it still honor those aesthetics, while being a unique message from within us? Does it flow with who we believe we are and where we think we want to go?"

Now, admittedly, these are questions we can only realistically ask as of about the last 3 years or so. And I bet it is not as easily or clearly answered as it will be in, say, 10 years from now. Because with each passing year we grow deeper and deeper into our Selves. Our troupe gels more and more each year, creating its own energy and aesthetic with our collaborative energies feeding into it. Carolena is at a point in her career where she really Knows who her troupe Is, who she is, and what she wants to express with her dance. I want that to be an inspiration in my dance, but not the sole driving force. As an artist, I can't sit back on someone else's creation and claim it is truly coming from within me. Art doesn't work like that.

Only that which comes from Me can really BE ME. And I want to be Me. And I want my Troupe to be My Troupe. I will honor those who have come before and put me on this path, but I will forever strive to be my own unique interpretation of those lessons and philosophies. I truly have a hard time understanding Art in any other context...

That was my deep thought of the day. Off to the aquarium with Celise, Tyler, Claire, Amy, and Simon!

I am in San Francisco as I write this. Quinn wanted to get an early start on Friday, and is someone who can wake at 3am, fly for hours, and land at 9am and then go all day long. I am not that person. So I opted to fly in a day early and stay at a hotel near the airport to meet her in the morning. So I am all alone at an airport hotel with nothing nearby (okay, there is a McDonald's across the street, and some other hotels nearby, but noplace to go on this lovely sunny day). Free Wi-Fi and some television...I think I might take a bath later and just relax and knit and get in some meditation time. There is a restaurant and lounge in the hotel, and I am undecided if I am going down to eat dinner and have a drink or order room service. I am so not an eat-alone person, but maybe that's why I am considering going down and giving it a go...
It occurred to me on the flight down that I have not really been to "San Francisco" in about 10 years. Which is to say, I have flown here many many many times. But was always going straight to something dance related, and back home. Never saw the city. I was last here to see The City back when I was dating Rob and we came down on Halloween to see Switchblade Sister. Another lifetime ago! DAYUM! So I am excited to get to see some of the city, and have my own personal guide too.

Tomorrow is city time, then some dance time at the studio--2 hours of classes, Level 1 and 2. Unfortunately, Rakassah spoiled our plans to rock through 5 hours of classes on Saturday--all cancelled. But it means we have a day free. So we are planning to do some more city time, then see if we can get in some Ultra Gypsy class time --beginner tomorrow, and possibly a workshop after if Jill allows us to stay.

So a busy weekend, then the training on Monday and Tuesday. Whew!

There are many fun things coming up for me, that I am staying focused on to combat stress and winter blah-dom!

Friday: Raqs Reunion at Mona's. Yep, the whole Raqs al-Hamra gang together, at my favorite restaurant in Seattle, schmoozin' and catchin' up. I am particularly excited to see Michelle Taul after a long time, and see what she has been up to!

Cues & Tattoos! A big festival right here in Seattle. I am all signed up for my workshops, am teaching two, am performing in the showcase, and my troupe is hosting the kick-off party on Friday night. Gonna be a blast! Nervous about teaching the bhangra, with my back and the fact we will be in a community center room without sprung floors. But Renee and I will tackle it together, and I will take breaks as I have to.

ATS Teacher Training at FC studios! I am thrilled they have opened this up to non-ATS specific instructors. I benefit so much from taking the GS training, and am excited to get to continue that. I will be arriving the Thursday prior, and staying nearly a week in SF to take classes and the intensive. And it is confirmed that Quinn will be taking it, too, so we're rooming together and she is going to show me around San Fran (she used to live there). I am excited for some time hanging with Quinn, and having my own tour guide. And we are going to hit Rakassah on Saturday afternoon to see FatChance perform. I may get to see my brother that weekend, too, while Quinn spends a day with a local friend of hers. Can't wait! So nervous, too! Finally got enough money scraped together for the airfare, and have to pay the $500 balance for the training in 4 days. *tummy turning*

Breitenbush is coming up fairly soon, too! An annual getaway for me and my sistahs. And even more students are coming this year, some for the first time, which will rule.


OH! GOGGLEMAS! I keep forgetting to post it!

So Befu and I concocted a Gogglemas plan! Gogglemas is the Steampunk Christmas, if you will. And it is the last two days of February. But those are a Thursday and Friday, and Befu works on Saturday. So Sunday, March 2nd we are planning a get-together to visit the Sci-Fi Museum at the EMP. You interested? A chance to dress in costume? WHY NOT! YEEHA! So get yer goggles in order, and let me know if you plan to attend, so we can finalize some deets.

Finally got my sewing machine back. It was in the shop since November. It wasn't until I made an angry phone call that is somehow magically appeared, repaired, within 48 hours. Growl. Okay, Amy, I am taking your advice and will try the Bernina shop next time I need repairs. It cost nearly $300, too. Thanks, Chris, for bailing my sewing machine out of "jail" while I am too poor to spring for the bond. You are my hero.

So we have our HDTV picked out. Heaven knows when we will be able to afford it, but it is a really good price in any case. Mainly because it's a Sony, and Sony is getting out of the rear projection market, so places have it on clearance. So we need to find a way to afford it fairly soon or there won't be any. It is PERFECT, though. I mean, my lingering concerns about the model Chris had picked out before were completely obliterated in this one, and it is cheaper. So a 50 inch 1080p DLP will be gracing our home in the next couple months. *fingers crossed* Rock band on that will be sweet indeed!

I put together some elements from my recent thrift store run and Chris approved heartily. Whee!

Now, I need to do some knitting and cleaning. Yay and boo, respectively.

And finally, from the Chris files. Must be seen to be believed. WTF indeed...
Acid Trip or Bollywood Genius?
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=27395

YAYAYAYAYAY!I am all giddy, and I had to share. Renee is off in DC and I would call her if I wasn't so afeared I would interrupt her family time! So Renee, can you feel tingly right now and need to check in with me...?

Okay, here is the super exciting news--some you know, some you don't.

2008 highlights:

I get to teach (along with the amazing Renee, of course!) TWO workshops at Cues & Tattoos here in Seattle. I am thrilled about this because I know tons of people want to take the bhangra workshop, but I want to share some tribal bellydance stuff too, and Adriene is giving us the chance to. Hooray! Thanks, Adriene!

We will be heading to Bend, OR in March to teach some workshops and hang out with our Gypsy Fire sisters!

Our troupe is aaaaall going to Breitenbush together. And a bunch of my super-awesome Seattle students are coming as well. I already can't wait. Seattle really is taking over Da Bush. Add to this that both Michelle's of Raqs al-Hamra fame will be coming as well for a RAH-REUNION!! Unbelieveably awesome!

I will again be teaching a full weekend of workshops, in Chilliwack, BC in April, along with my faithful dance sister and Canada-trekker Genevieve.

Gypsy Caravan and inFusion Tribal will be teaming up for a performance at Tribal Fest! You heard it here first! It looks like we will likely be in the Friday night show, though confirmation is forthcoming. I could just pee I am so excited about this.

inFusion Tribal and Gypsy Fire of Bend, OR will be teaming up for Folklife this year! See two different interpretations of tribal group improv take the stage together. What will happen...? Who knows? Find out! Date/time TBA.

And the newest happy news:
Paulette asked me to teach at Tribal Quest Northwest 2008! We taught last in 2005, but haven't been back since, and I was waiting with baited breath for the chance to teach at my dance-Momma's event again. And YAY! We will have 2-3 workshop topics. And will likely be reprising our collaboration on the TQNW stage! *hopping from foot to foot*

I am fairly certain that most people would agree that evolution is rarely a conscious process. Particularly in art. We definitely try to push our limits, learn new things, and "grow", but I think in art, as in life, "growth" and "evolution" are two different processes. The former is a shorter term experience, fairly easily quantified and observed both by yourself and others. The results are gross...less in the details. Evolution tends to be more subtle and over a much longer period of time. It is more about the essence of a thing.
I am finding that right now, I am becoming conscious of an evolution of my dance self (and without getting too deep, also some very personal parts of my being as well). Something in my core beliefs...my essence...is shifting. I have never "seen" this happen before. It was always something happening under the surface, beyond my notice, and over years. This evolution is occurring very swiftly--in the last 8-10 months--and in the front of my consciousness. I am finding myself taking notice of it, and making quite deliberate choices to facilitate it.


The thing with being a teacher is that you end up taking a lot of other people along on this evolutionary journey. I can't just change on a whim, like some dancers might be able to, especially soloists--what freedom they have! Enviable! Instead, I have a heavy responsibility for consistency and clarity in my dance, which goes far beyond myself. So there is a fair amount of consideration and creative practice that I have to do on my own, and keep it separate and pure from my student experience, until I am certain it is something I want to really plow ahead with. That means I am spending about 7 hours a week using my mental and creative energy trying to keep things the "old way" (familiar way) while I what remains of my mental and creative energy trying to honor this evolution that is knock-knock-knocking on my being. I feel pulled two or more directions, and unable to fully commit myself to either because of uncertainty and this flowing feeling of "mustchangemustchangemustchange".

I am not even sure I can articulate all the ways I want things to change. Luckily I have found some tools within myself this year to being able to communicate some *energetic* changes I wanted to see in my and my students' dancing, and it was very effective. Now I want to keep it moving, and to change vocabulary to fit. Another "issue" is Renee (*waving*). My decisions are also not entirely my own in this regard. If I didn't have a co-director, I would make sweeping changes right now based solely on my personal choices and considerations. But I have to run these ideas past Renee, and we sometimes (event often?) have very different approaches to such things. That in itself is a blessing and a curse--to be able to have another pair of critical eyes, but at the same time not being able to just "go" when my heart says "it's time to change/alter/move"... I wouldn't trade it for the world--we have an awesome partnership. With all the ups and downs, it is a beautiful thing in my life, my collaborations with Renee. But that is one of the challenges for me creatively--it is another restriction I have to work with. A somewhat externally imposed structure for me has been good so far--keeps me grounded--so I roll with it.

I am really looking forward to the General Skills Intensive. Frankly, a lot of my current evolutionary impulses are popping like popcorn when I look at FatChance. I have always been an admirer, but I am finding my personal aesthetics and creative desires are more in line with theirs all the time. Do I want to go ATS? Not in a million years. The philosophy of the format is not in line with my spirit. But I would gladly adopt a direction more in line with their aesthetics, and have been slowly adding some bits and pieces in essence and in vocabulary throughout 2007 as a direct result of this personal evolution I have been experiencing. I am looking forward to Renee and I getting to explore the details of FC's style together, in a true "intensive" where we get to examine the vocabulary up close, from the source. I am hoping that she will feel some of what I have been feeling about this format this year, and there will be some freedom to continue to incorporate some of that "look and feel" into our collective style. If not, then that part of my evolution will have to slow down a bit...for now...


In other news, watch for a couple of exciting collaborations this spring--inFusion will be teaming up with some fabulously talented dancers from other troupes for a couple of major events in 08. What could it be....? Stay tuned!

I DANCED!AND I WALK AND MOVE AND BEND N' SHIT!

I DANCED!

I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!I DANCED!OMFGLOLLERSKATESBBQTEHDANCIN'!

I iced as soon as I got home. And this morning as I lay in bed I just kept wondering how I was going to feel...was I going to be okay. No way to tell until I try to sit up...I roll over and sit up...AND I WAS OKAY! Just that teensy ache, but nothing sharp. I bent over gently, testing...and I could bend over without that sharp smack upside the head-kinda pain.

I FUCKING DANCED!

I was really well behaved and gentle with myself. I could see everyone looking at me sidelong all night to see how I would do. I didn't twist. I made sure anything twisting, Sarah addressed. And DeAnn lead the Aziza drills in Intermediate. I didn't do bicycle shimmies even. I avoided leading as much as possible, and gave more skills and drills for me to walk around and observe. By the time Int rolled around, I was definitely fatigued. I was feeling a little ache in my back and really really wanted to lie down, but thought that would look to funny. So I hung in, and then did a cooldown with splits stretching for all of our benefits (which I got lots of compliments on, so I think they enjoyed it as much as I did).

I DANCED!
idanced
yeefuckinhaw

The weekend went well. Med Fest. Torrential rains. Good friends. Back pain lessening further still.
Saturday morning rain was threatening, but held off while we were setting up, which was great. Renee and I opted to do a big closet cleaning and sell off as much of our old costuming as possible. I was selling pantaloons for $5 apiece and 10-yard skirts for $15. I even sold my brocade Flying skirt for $15. Just let it allllll go. Got rid of all my old VHS videos, and most of the new ones. Sold half my CD collection at $10 a pop. It was liberating.

As a result of the "purging" theme, I was hardly interested in any buying. I bought a few bindis and a top. That's it. Probably the least I have ever spent at any festival. I don't even think I looked in every booth. No urge.

The rains came. Oh boy did they. It was a soggy day. But warm, too. In the low 70's. So the mugginess kept us feeling sticky all day. Fab. It was a brisk sales pace all day, and most everyone we spoke to wasn't planning on returning on Sunday. We wondered if we even should have plans to come back outside of performing...

My students performed at 4pm inside. They are gaining so much confidence and joy in their performance, and it is a pleasure to witness.

Chris spent the rest of the day home trying to clean and prepare for the party. By 6pm we were talking about leaving. The rain was keeping people under shelter or leaving, and Chris needed help at home. So we took off at 7pm, closing up, praying the rain wouldn't get into the tent all night long. The Gypsy Fire girls followed us back, and we all pitched in to set up the deck some more, add some mood lighting, and then tuck into some snacks and drinks. The tarp Chris (with a small help from me--mostly him) set up over the deck worked great. It needed occasional dumping out of accumulated water in one area we just couldn't get a good slope for runoff, but everyone stayed pretty darn dry and happy throughout. The extra 10X10 near the fire on the lawn was much appreciated and warm and cozy. I still was stunned I was wearing a comfy skirt and tee shirt all night long, while it's pouring rain. It was just so nice and warm.

Many convened to the living room for a full concert with Guitar Hero followed by Karaoke Revolution. I got to sing a couple wicked-awesome duets with Amy, and Amy W and Erik sang a lovely duet. I even got to sing and play guitar with Befu and Krystal!

As is the custom these days, we ended up with a "final four", with Krystal and Jen, who left at about 3:30am. We plopped into bed by 4am, ready to get up the next day to hit the festival, wishing we didn't have to.

11am we hit the festival. Mah inFusionista gurlz were going on at noon, sans yours truly for the first time in our history of performing at MF. We were all feeling tired and soggy and uninspired. But the rain wasn't coming today, and it was still warm, so it was kinda nice. And a lot more people than we expected showed up to see the performance! My chicas hit the stage and did AWESOME. I mean...I was feeling pretty fine about not performing with them--we were all so blah that morning, and it was a real "Ah, who cares anyway," approach to the whole thing (which is rare for us!). But when I saw them light up that stage, rock the crowd who had completely stopped in their tracks to watch, and the audience go nuts for them, I was so sad I wasn't there with them! They were so tight! And all these new combos and music we have been playing with, I STILL haven't gotten to play with! WAH! But they were just incredible, and I was beaming with pride.

We cheered on Gyspy Fire, and then began to pack up. It was sooo slow. People just assumed it was going to be a nasty day and didn't plan to come. We had low inventory, and few people coming by, and we just decided to head out. I ran in to the gym to catch most of Urban Berbers, and then finished packing the tents and head home.

Exhausted, we unpacked the car, and started cleaning the house from the party. Bleh. Everything outside was so soggy. The kitchen was a wreck. But we got through most of it before we got food delivered and we settled in to eat and try to relax. We cuddled on the couch (ah what a treat), and then went to be early. I am exhausted still today.

My back was great all weekend. I expected to wake up miserable after the Saturday party, and all the bopping around with the Guitar and mic. But I woke up feeling pretty okay after all. Just a bit achey. Same today. A little more achey today, due to all the hauling from breaking down the tents, party, and goods. But not the debilitating stiffness I was used to. I am hoping I have come over a hump!! I will be back teaching tonight for the first time in almost 6 weeks, with the assistance of my darling Sarah. I look forward to it and am nervous too. I don't know what my limits will be. Keep sending good energy my way!

Holy cow...Thank you SOOOO MUCH, everyone who nominated me for Instructor of the Year in the Zaghareet Golden Belly Awards!

www.zaghareet.freeservers.com/poll.html

You guys completely made my year! I can't tell you how grateful I am for your support.

**Nominations are just the beginning, though. Now the voting begins.**

Your continued support for me in the voting from here would be so welcome and appreciated, if you are moved to do so. Anyone can vote--you, your friends, your family, your classmates. If you are so inclined, please pass this info onto anyone you like to vote for me in the coming awards. We have all summer to rally. :) And of course, if you see someone else among the nominees who you feel a greater impulse to vote for, I encourage you to vote with YOUR personal experiences and gut feelings--your vote should reflect your honest opinions, and if your experiences dictate someone else go on your ballot, please do so.

Send your votes by August 15, 2007 to Zaghareet!, P.O. Box 1809, Elizabeth City, NC 27906 or by email to zaghareetmagazine@earthlink.net Be sure to include your name and address and please vote only once in each category. Remember, this is a People's Choice Award, so anyone can be nominated and anyone can win! Winners will be announced in the September/October issue of Zaghareet! "

Blessings, dear dancers.