I was surprised because, while starring nobody and no-one, the acting was good, the cinematography didn’t seem completely amateur, and the story—while always a bit predictable in these movies—was sweet. The writing for the grandmother is particularly brilliant. Also, they didn’t write the angsty daughter/granddaughter as irredeemably caustic then suddenly change her to happy-go-lucky, as a lot of these stories do. She has heartbreak from her parents’ divorce and a boy she likes, but she isn’t just a bitch for no reason let alone a bitch every minute of the day. She has some mood swings, like a teenager should, and it made her small arc much more believable. And it passes the Bechdel Test. Low bar, I know, but so few movies these days do, let alone these schmaltzy holiday rackets.

I recommend!

Amazon Prime

While the concept is very Done, the execution is really cute. Amy Smart is a low-key fave of mine, and she plays a character on a challenging journey who really uses it to learn, grow, and enjoy life rather than a darker Sisyphus-ian turn it could have taken. She’s plucky without being annoyingly so. And Mark-Paul as the usual “too handsome to be a regular guy, too regular-guy to be an annoying supermodel-type” is charming and believable, while leaving space for Amy’s character to move through her stages of growth—the recognizable cycle of denial, negotiation, anger, and acceptance.

We know the girl is going to get the guy. The photo on the cover of the box is the punchline writ large in these holiday romance movies (not that we even need that to know how the hero’s journey will end). But the path to that is filled with cute side characters she meets and befriends—and learns from—along the way. The ending may be a little predictable and bordering cheesy, but we wouldn’t love these movies if they weren’t. 

Definitely recommend.

ABC Family/Disney+

Has some cute moments, but ultimately meandering and a bit boring. The family is cute, and we see them adopt the local bully’s family for holiday surprises. It just goes on forever. Not much else to say about it. I found it kinda bland., though well-intentioned.

(Also, the family home is supposedly that huge place, but four brothers share one room just because they want them to “bond more”?)

Do not have strong feelings either way. I think some people would like it more than I do, but maybe I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind?

Netflix

I didn’t expect much of this movie, given recent movies that tanked for me in the holiday movie department, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Christmas wasn’t necessary, but it WAS integrated in useful ways that were not entirely incidental to the plot or characters, so I am giving that a thumbs-up. It won’t give you all the giddy holiday feels, but it is a fun story.

Good casting all around, the writing was funny and quick, the relationship between the main characters (co-workers, family, friends) was really cute and believable for me. The sets were fine, and some I even admired for their style, which is rare in these B-movie holiday releases.

Recommend not so much based on holiday-ness, but enough to get by and a fun story to pass the time.

Netflix

A good cast, decent writing, largely predictable plot, and NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS. Setting it in December, adjacent to Christmas, does not make a Christmas movie, and should not have Christmas in the title. And no, having the ending scene at a Christmas party also doesn’t make a damn difference.

Manny (the original Manny, not the other Manny) was a super fun character, and was a comic injection that lifted the whole movie a bit for me.

Decent movie if you want a bit of fluff, but skip it I’d you’re looking for holiday anything.

I just want to go on record that I do not outright reject religious-based holiday movies, so long as they aren’t so bluntly and needlessly ramming it down your throat from the jump. The Perfect Gift from 2009...well let’s just say five minutes in, and we have a secretary complaining about calling decorations “Winter Gala”, because she never baked “winter cookies”, or hung “winter stockings”, or decorated a “winter tree”. We are already teetering close tot he edge of a Starbucks cup manufactured crisis in that first five minutes. I think I need to liveblog this one for a little bit.

By 10 minutes, we’ve been introduced to the local priest (innocuous enough) who meets a Jesus-type character (“I used to do woodworking with me dad!”); and the family flipping channels stops briefly on a news anchor reporting on an “activist”, and director of the not-at-all-subtly named “American Civil Freedom Coalition, who begins to talk about how he’s going to do everything in his power to separate church and state before they flip channels mid-sentence on him.

The daughter is incredibly entitled and spoiled, such that you imagine she was raised in incredible wealth and privilege, but then we see their home life, and it is some dingy spare apartment, and the only food mom keeps around is crackers and salad dressing? Like...how did this girl get so spoiled, precisely?

12 minutes and Jesus is back! I like him.

Cut to spoiled girl in class in private school now. Wait...writing a short essay about “What is Christmas?” is their final big project of the semester? And a girl who has dropped two full letter grades could pull her grade up with this ONE 500 word essay?? What is all that private school money paying for anyway?!

Jesus is back! He doesn’t like the word money, and he’ super cagey about where he’s from, where he lives, and how long he’ll be here. Oh wait...I guess he says we can just call him “Jess”.

Reverend Black runs the church. Can you get more obvious that this pastor isn’t a good guy in this story?

Grandma’s on the phone. She doesn’t understand that “Winter Gala” means “Christmas Gala”. Still riding that red cup crisis...

Hey little girl, why don’t I leave you to keep Jess the transient man company while I run an errand? Great idea, Pastor Good Guy! Also, little girl is overacting the HELL out of this angry, spoiled girl thing. She just barks at everyone, all day, for no reason. Also, for a supposedly skilled woodworker, Jesus—I mean JESS—seems to just randomly mark a lot of wood with that triangle thingy. Over and over. Without really measuring. Huh...

Friend tells little girl Max they made her turn her shirt inside out because it said something inappropriate. Max “What did it say?” Friend: “Merry Christmas.” *eyes roll all the way back in my head*

Does Mom know that little girl is hanging out in the church with rando homeless man? Don’t worry, nothing bad ever happens in a church, amirite? Seems Pastor Black is the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea. Wait, am I agreeing with the “bad guy”?

Okay, finally understand why girl is a little bitch. And seconds later, random mugging attempt on Jess while he’s walking Max home. We learn mugger has a sick daughter...and miracle then and there as Jess says go home, your daughter is well, and takes the gun. Max and Jess just walk on like nothing happened.

Now Max is confused that everything Jesus—I MEAN JESS—has told her about Christmas doesn’t include Santa or Black Friday. Like...really? This little white girl in private American schools all her life never heard of a mangers or wise men?

I don’t know if you’re still here, dear reader. I would say I’ll wrap it up soon, but we’re only 1/3 of the way through this thing and ugh...

The little girls has now written in her essay about the cutting down of the tree and putting it up again is a symbol of the Resurrection. That’s a new one on me. She follows it up with some bunko tale about candy canes being Christian symbolism for shepherds and the red and white is the blood and purity of Christ. Um...okay. Or they historically were made as just candy at a World’s Fair? Jesus—I MEAN JESS—is passing folktales off as fact. Par for the course...Jess...

Okay I’m back and now the little girl has claimed a friend got in trouble for wearing a scarf that says, “The reason for the season.” And mom and daughter are commiserating that Winter Gala sounds “made up”. My eyes are about to roll back out the back of my skull.

Good god, now mom is at the company meeting suggesting they remove all alcohol so it can be a “family event”, and invite homeless people to the party. She is wearing a red jacket, and is the only woman at the whole table, the men who are all wearing black and grey. And then she rails at everyone at the table that they need to change the party back to Christmas, otherwise “if we’re celebrating winter, then let’s show up with our parkas and snow tires!” It works. Susie’s a hero. Damn this is a bad movie. Like, if mom is this fired up about Jesus’ birthday, how did her child not know about ANYTHING to do with the Christian Biblical tales?

We’re only 2/3 of the way through now kids. And OMG did the “activist from the ACLU, I mean “ACFC” just show up to tell the church they have to take their Nativity down? And apparently any “religious display in full view of a thoroughfare” is against the LAW! Holy hell, it just keeps getting worse.

News reports on “Culture vs. Christmas”, as if these are mutually exclusive concepts.

Town meeting, and Pastor Black now hates Jesus/Jess and is pretty much siding against his own church. 

Meanwhile, Jesus/Jess is speaking up! And surprisingly, he’s telling the activist he’s doing good stuff! But it feels like a trap... It’s a beautiful speech, and it is also kind of a trap.

ACFC dude is a dick, and makes some comment about their beliefs not being stronger than the $5000 fine for keeping the Nativity up. Suddenly—and predictably—everyone reaches into their pocketbook... TAKE THAT EVIL ACTIVIST! Wait, I thought Jess/Jesus hate money... Aw, Reverend Black coughed up some cash, AND smiled a little. SECOND miracle of the movie.

“Civil liberty organization” removed their complaint, as reported by reporter-lady. I thought it was “Civil FREEDOM”, Karen.

I’ll come back later and amend it if my opinion changes, but for now I gotta say...

Spoilers: the perfect gift is the 5th Element. Go watch that.

Oh it did not change. Do not recommend.

Amazon Prime Video

FINALLY! A relatively obscure, actually GOOD holiday movie I can recommend. Made in 2011,  have seen it come up in lists before, but only got around to it this year, and I’m glad I did. And bonus: it stars the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Kristy Swanson; and supporting actor Edward Herrmann plays a delightfully gruff cowboy.

A woman recently ditched by her loser husband is left with no money, no home, and three kids to care for. She takes her 80’s beater car into a nearby small town, moves into a hotel, and looks for a job as she tries to keep body and soul together. What comes after is a story I can totally say is small-town moxie at its best: charming without straining belief, has believable and heartwarming struggles and resolutions, and has enough ties to Christmas that I can completely say it qualifies as a holiday movie.

Strong casting and acting, good writing, and the kind of feel-good we need this time of year. 

Definitely recommend.

Amazon Prime Video

I am on a roll for truly terribly holiday movies. Meant to be written as a goofball comedy about elves who don’t get out into the real world, and thus don’t know things like...how to hold your breath...? Filled with terribly awkward editing and bad script-writing, it’s another one I’m not sure I can get through without a lot of fast-forwarding.

Edited to add: Oh no!!! I am suddenly reminded of a strange news headline I saw in the super-odd opening credits. It was a collection of postcards from the main elf, and newspaper headlines, and someone reading it like they are on the internet looking for something. One of the headlines had to do with some UN resolution I couldn’t read, and soon after, some headline about the “Nanny State” stepping in. Nanny State is a pretty heavy right-leaning term these days so it took me aback, and I couldn’t figure out what any of this had to do with a story about vacationing elves.

We finally got to it, about 20-ish minutes in. Santa reports on an emergency due to the Naughty List skyrocketing. He announces he has pinpointed the issue: that “all of the world leaders” signed an agreement, which has “restricted the authority parents have over their own children”. Santa’s stern-faced concern is evident when he growls, “This would suggest the government is better suited at raising children than their own parents. And the results have been CATASTROPHIC!”

Santa basically tells the elves to “stand by for activation” to “reverse this trend”.

Did I stumble onto Fox News by accident? 

I made it about 45 minutes in, and I have to start fast-forwarding. It’s so so bad.

Edit: stopped at a part where people are in the grocery store gossiping about a new business moving into town and everyone will surely have jobs by Christmas. Apparently the elves decided to grow magic berries the town can sell, and save them from financial ruin. Someone roughly described trickle-down economics and how if people have jobs someone else will sell them a car. This took a strange turn.

Edit again: Okay I got far enough in that I saw kids just trashing a church. One boy falls and is injured and is caught. The boy, when asked by the church lady why he was trashing the church, that thanks for the law everybody signed, nobody can tell kids what to do any more, and they can’t even say that kids do anything wrong any more. Church lady rolls her eyes and says with some degree of sarcasm  “International law?” Then she goes into a heavy-handed explanation that only God can define right and wrong, and no man can sign that away. And that while he did something bad, Jesus took his sins away and blah blah blah now we’re getting some Bible story lesson... What is happening?!

Edited more: Now we’re having a summer Nativity pageant. 

“I can’t have a baby! I’m a kid!!”

“With God, all things are possible.”

Ah, the miracle of a terrified unmarried child being forced to have a baby...

If you haven’t figured it out by now: Do not recommend.

Amazon Prime yet again delivers “so bad it’s bad”.

This movie starts with 30 year olds playing themselves as seniors on high school. Badly.

Then it moves to 10 years later, where they are playing themselves. Badly.

They meet up with family and friends all acting very badly. The central-Canadian accents that keep popping up keep making me think they’re in Wisconsin.

The dialogue is meh, the cinematography and sound is at times like a home-made movie, and the story seems to be a Cutting Edge-esque friction between an ex-figure skater and her ex boyfriend—an injured-now-fired hockey player. But I don’t think I will ever find out, because I started and stopped this three times today, trying to stick it out, but quitting out of boredom.

I feel like the movie cover photo sums up the quality. Does that not look like a overly-smoothed photo from an office Christmas party?

Do not recommend.

Amazon Prime

I find that many of my favorite experiences with movies come from not knowing anything about them before I watch them. These days, even a short synopsis can spoil major plot points that would otherwise come as a delightful or interesting surprise. I blame all the competition in the media market for making copywriters feel they need to tease a lot of content to get maximum eyeballs on the work.

To the point: I knew nothing about this movie, and in fact it just came up today as a recommendation for the first time. New this year on Netflix, this ended up being a story that I know many of my friends will a tearjerker when they watch (mostly in a really good way, and others in the too too real way). Unexpected as a story arc, and with some serious twists in it. 

I recommend you read nothing about it and try it. Because some of what twisted and turned in interesting ways was because I knew literally nothing about it when I watched it, not even a synopsis. Just remember this: Love deeply, trust your heart, and be brave.

Netflix 2020

A 2018 movie release (and the second movie this season I’ve watched which is based on a Harlequin novel), Hometown Holiday leans heavy on the “down home good old country boy musician” and “we sure hate city slickers”  at the jump. But it doesn’t try to carry that weight for long, thank goodness, which redeems it somewhat. Ultimately, while I think the casting is fine and the story is fine, and the writing lets the characters feel very real rather than scripted at times, it just wasn’t doing anything for me. I was kinda bored, unfortunately. And aside from that, it fell victim to the most frustrating failing of many of these “holiday” movies: Christmas is pretty much entirely incidental to the plot. 

It tries to do a lot and ends up not doing much. Do not recommend.

On Netflix

On Netflix, this one came up recommended among a pile of Christmas movies, and has a little spring of holly in the title. So I added it to my list for 2020 new holiday releases and watched it tonight.

It is not—I repeat NOT—a Christmas movie. It is roughly set at Christmas, in order to create a sense of urgency for the subject matter, and to pluck the heartstrings around familial traditions. But this movie is about a girl whose mother was taken by ICE, anyone she could turn to was ALSO kidnapped by ICE, and was living on the street briefly when our (of course, cynical-about-everything female) protagonist finds her.

Her good friend from school (played by Alyssa Milano) works for child services, specifically with trying to reunite kids with parents kidnapped by ICE. There are lots of references to how much more this is happening, large amounts of US citizen children being in group homes, and goes so far as the little girl crying she doesn’t want to end up in a big detention center where her mom will never find her. No joke, y’all, while the material is treated with sensitivity and empathy, it is not easy to watch at some points knowing this is a reality families are facing right here, today.

The little girl is a brilliant little actress and brings so much light and life to the character. Maybe too much sunshine for a girl whose mother is lost, possibly for good. But I think they are trying to a) show her tenacity of spirit and b) kept he movie from going to too dark a place. The love story is rushed in the extreme (insta’ wannabe family in less than 2 weeks kind of fast), but the casting is great, and the acting is good.

I liked the movie overall, but DO NOT RECOMMEND as a holiday film, full stop.

It is easy to get all these Christmas + Prince/Princess movies mixed up. A Christmas Prince (and A Christmas Prince 2 and 3), A Christmas Princess, Christmas with a Prince, A Prince for Christmas, The Princess Switch, to name the ones I have reviewed so far. So I had to watch and review this one, which at this time is running on both Amazon Prime Video and Netflix.

From 2011, I hadn’t seen this title before. or if I did, see above commentary about mixing them all up. But turns out no, I hadn’t seen it. And the premise is a little more interesting in general—an woman takes guardianship over her niece and nephew after her sister and her royal husband die. We pick things up with the usual “Oh she’s SO in over her HEAD,” tropes, and jump right to an invitation from the royal grandfather for them to all visit at Christmas. The invitation is delivered by...Paisley Winterbottom. He is the royal butler, sent on an errand to fetch her back with the kids for the holiday. Given the name, I thought there’d be 100% more whimsy, or at least an elf or two, but no. They just named him that.

Grandpa is played by none other than 007, Roger Moore; the leading lady is nobody I know, but was quite good; and the entire cast of the staff that works at the castle are just the bee’s knees. I would say if they make a sequel, I hope they bring the entire cast back, but it was made in 2011 and a new installment never appeared, despite a big set up for one at the end. The shooting locations and costuming was fairly well done except one glaring misstep, IMO: the gown.

From this costumer’s perspective, her dress in the end looked like someone adapted an ice skating costume into a long gown. The weird side cut outs with flesh colored built-in-bra and weirdly gathered  tulle details made me avert my eyes. But ain’t nobody else gonna care about that.

Recommend.

Netflix and Amazon Prime

My initial thoughts were the main character was needlessly rude and unlikeable. And then she continues like this for a long while, but I kept watching because the actress was also good and still compelling on screen. When given a chance to not sneer at everything, she glows. An she eventually is given that chance and it redeems so much of this movie. 

Unfortunately, the unbelievable storyline (a Prince as the sole event planner for the huge annual family celebration?? And doesn’t have all the details worked out completely within 2 weeks of the event??! IN NEW YORK?! And somehow everyone thinks this is doable??!?!), the teeeerrrrrrrribble “British” accents from all the US cast playing nebulous “from a European country” roles, and sad sad set design and the Christmas decorations weaken this one for me. These sets and decorations in many cases are supposed to be royal family homes and ritzy hotels, and end up looking like generic, plastic, craft store displays. If we can also add in the kitchen staff GAPING at a new industrial kitchen appliance costing “FIVE-HUNDRED DOLLARS!” Made my eyes roll allllll the way back in my head. Clearly, no one who wrote, directed, or starred in this movie know anything about the restaurant industry. And finally, the Mom being entirely fixated on her daughter marrying a prince who they know NOTHING about, rather than encouraging her to follow her dream of owning her own restaurant which she is in the middle of trying to keep afloat? What year is this?

STOP with the terrible accent, Erin Gray. Oh right, Erin Gray plays the Queen. Erin Gray from the 80’s television adaptation of Buck Rogers. And her accent is so bad it entirely grates on my every nerve.

Anyway, it’s not the worst, but I don’t recommend it.

Amazon Prime 

I suppose if I am giving Holiday Inn a pass as being a Christmas movie (and in fact one of my FAVORITE movies to watch at Christmas), then Holidate should, on that level, pass that test? But honestly...it was simply released before the Christmas season, and is about having a guy to show up with a gal at events around every holiday around the year.

If you are looking for Christmas atmosphere, magic, and charm, you won’t find it here. But the comedy writing is up my alley with it’s acerbic wit and cynic-turned-maybe-believer of love storyline. Bonus: Kristin Chenoweth as a seriously sassy and unapologetic cougar.

For Christmas fun? No. For general fun? For sure.

Do we really need ANOTHER movie about some prince from a made up country hooking up with a cynical or “low born” American at Christmastime?

Yes, yes we do.

While we all know they are going to end up together, every now and again the material is treated in such a way—or the casting is done so well—that it makes it a pleasure to watch to unfold. Based on a Harlequin novel, actually, I really liked this entry. the lead actor is devilishly handsome, and the lead actress is cynical in a way that is believable given the foil the male lead introduces to her world. In this case, she is a doctor in a pediatric cancer wing of a hospital, and the Prince is foisted upon her over the holiday as a way to keep him low-profile while he is in recovery.  The quirky sidekick in this movie is the nurse, who happens to be the doctor’s n’er do well brother. He offers a lot of great dry comedy to an already good story.

I am heartened to see more movies where the people don’t have to be jerks to each other for there to be friction. It’s more believable and genuine to let people push against the situation they are faced with more than the people they are supposed to fall for later.

Happy endings abound, with a few unexpected details to keep the climax going a little longer, and the resolution a little more charming. Bonus Charles Shaughnessy (the Brit from The Nanny). Definitely recommend.

Amazon Prime Video

A Disney+ entry this year, with enchanted/magical themes that suit the holiday atmosphere—though not specifically holiday themed—is Grandmothered. Here is what I’ll say.

No, not a Christmas movie. So fail on that. But Jillian Bell is a freaking treasure, working the perfect homage to my favorite clueless-big-hearted characters the likes of Buddy the Elf and Giselle from Enchanted. She had us just rolling with laughter in perfectly delivered lines, some of which were clearly ad-libbed. It’s good to see Isla Fisher again, too (Confessions of a Shoppaholic), as well as Jane Curtin and June Squibb (don’t know the name? You’ll know her when you see and hear her.)

While I can’t recommend it as a holiday-specific romp, I must highly recommend it as a perfectly fun and funny movie to lighten your spirits and give you some excellent belly-laughs.

Recommend!

Disney+

Like the franchise predecessors, both as shorts and full-run movies, the Lego Star Wars Holiday special is as much for the adults as the kids (if not more!). It is full of quick, snappy punchlines and Easter egg references for fans of Star Wars. I am not a big enough fan to be the one to suss it out, but I have to believe there is at least one reference to every single movie and television Star Wars franchise. Set around Life Day—the Christmas-like holiday we were introduced to in the original (and purely surreal) Star Wars Holiday Special from the 70’s, we follow our favorite pals from the latest storylines—Rey, Po, Finn, and the gang—as they prepare for the celebration and get into a fair amount of trouble. 

We were laughing out loud over and over throughout this movie, and will definitely watch it again. Highly recommend for Star Wars or Lego movie fans. It’s a hoot n’ a half.

I have definitely seen this movie before, but maybe it was not since I started going Holiday Movie Musings. So I opted to watch it again and review it this time. Starring that guy who was an intern in the later seasons of The Office, and generic blonde actress who was apparently in the Australian version of Neighbours. Co-starring Andie McDowell.

wild little rich girl’s daddy realizes she’s outta hand, and could benefit from a little humbling. Sends her on a family business errand to a small town, requiring she not bring any credit cards and stay incognito—you see, this town is where the family business started and everyone knows them and their work. She has to take a BUS to the town. She has to stay in a hotel WITHOUT ROOM SERVICE. The typical “I’m so clueless, I had no idea there were places like this” tropes abound, BUT with one difference. The lead actress doesn’t get pouty about it. She doesn’t mistreat people, or get snotty and demanding. She actually has manners, and while a bit confused and put out, she never makes big complaints about it. She keeps her cool, adapts, and is still kind.

This is what redeems this movie for me. They could have taken the character over the top. In fact, every character in this cookie-cutter story end up being far less stereotypical and irritating than you would expect from the way these movies end up playing out. You end up liking everyone (well, save for one notable jerk boyfriend), and understanding why everyone acts they way they do. It’s...charming! Yet again, Christmas is incidental for the most part, but I don’t even mind. The world we are invited into feels like a holiday hearth, and I’m into it. (But please stop having Andie McDowell sing in every movie she’s in...)

For an unchallenging, charming story, I definitely recommend!

A new entry for the 2020 holiday season, this one was pretty cute. A little white savior-y and a little “generic Polynesian culture-esque” wen visiting the indigenous peoples, but ultimately, I enjoyed it. Big bad political interests want to close a base in Guam, which is known to be one of the biggest relief organizations in the region. They send a young woman with hopes for a promotion to be the battle-axe out there to cut the cruft. Christmas is not incidental in the least, which is a strong compliment coming from me for any holiday film, since so many fail this simple test. But it’s also a fun movie in its own right.

Recommend.