In my last post on criticism, I explored the role of constructive criticism in the life of a student: criticism which comes from a loving source and is intended to be helpful. In this post, we're looking at criticism that is not necessarily "kindly meant"--snarks, backhanded compliments, and other thoughtless and offhanded remarks which can really wound. How can we deal with this kind of negative feedback and come out smelling like roses?




Here is an article from ZenHabits, which looks at how to deal with this kind of criticism gracefully:

"One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important, and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.

You can do the same thing with criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement."
How to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation

Another valuable tool to have in your bag is a better understanding of why some people deliver thoughtless criticism.

"Some people who pride themselves on their brutal honesty, however, have a poorly developed social filter when it comes to tact and politeness. They aren't always aware that their critical comments could be personally hurtful or socially embarrassing. They may feel justified by publicly saying what others were thinking privately, but they simply lack the sense of propriety which should prevent such incidents."
Why are some people so brutally honest?

Just a little food for thought.

...and other wonderful tidbits in Part 1 of 2 interviews with Carolena and Megha by a couple of gals in Florida, Mary and Tammy. I love especially the discussion of preparing students for performance starting at around 25 minutes.

http://www.yippodcast.com/2009/07/episode-11a-fatchance-interview-pt-1.html

Here is a transcribed snippet, from around :50, in brief, to whet your whistle:

Yip: "Through the years...how do you keep ATS fresh? I mean, do you guys add in new moves, and how do you decide if you're gong to add something in or...the creative process behind that."

Carolena: "You know, I don't even think about keeping it fresh. I just do it. And I don't consciously say, you know, 'This is getting stale. We need a new move." We just do what we do.

And it's like an energy bounce. It just keeps rolling and rolling and rolling, and I just, I follow it. I don't direct it. D'you know what I mean? It's like I really feel like it never really intended for it to happen in the first place. It just sort of showed up and like, said, 'Chase me,' and I was like 'Okay, I'll chase you.'

And it's still like that. I really feel like there is a Dance Goddess who wanted me to present this to everybody, and I was like, 'Me? I'll try.' And she's been running ahead of me all these years..."



Around at 53ish, here is a final favorite snippet...
Carolena: "Being onstage, I feel, is really like a moving meditation. Because, you can't be anywhere but right there. You can't be ahead of yourself or behind yourself. You just...all you can be is right there. And you're either doing what you intended to do or not... ...it just flows.

When you're really like, right in that spot, it's so satisfying, because nothing else is happening right then...it's really like a single pointed meditation. It's fabulous."

Megha: "And I think also, with this style, what the audience sees, whether it's due to your successful attempt to do something or your mistake at doing something; the audience sees, whether they are conscious of it or not, the cooperation that's happening within the group. We talk a lot about how the audience sees the spark of creativity, because you're making the decisions as you go along about the sequence of things that you're gonna to, and they can see that exciting part of it. But they also can intuit the cooperation that's happening. Like, if there's a mistake and no-one gets frazzled about it, there is something that happens within that group that they can pick up on, and it just makes the whole thing even more mesmerizing and special. I love that about it."

Carolena: "Yeah, it's true that there really is a communication between the dancers and the audience. And that's what I really try to impress upon people when I'm teaching them, is being natural on stage. Be your natural self, because the audience is being its natural self, and they are looking for natural gestures. So don't be fake.


Definitely be showy. Y'know, be on the stage, and own the stage, and give us a show, for sure. But be yourself, because the audience can read a natural gesture. So if something is a success or a failure, they may or may not be able to figure that out, but your response to it is what they're going to trigger their response from. So if you look, y'know, you're just like "Oops!" and the other dancer is like "Hey, I'll help", the audience is like "Oh, that's cool".

Megha: You know, it all comes down to "Just be cool". Whatever, just be cool!

In the course of doing the Artist Way several times over the past 10 years, I have sought out various avenues of creative expression for my Artist Date. In the second chapter of the book, you are told to make a list of all the things you have wished to do, but never made the time or gave yourself permission to do. One of my big ones was drawing and illustration. Just never made the time.

Enter DrawSpace.
http://www.drawspace.com/

There are lots of online lessons in drawing, from simple shapes to shading, to more detailed lessons in learning how to use scale and proportion and beyond. I thought I would pass it on in case anyone else has a hankerin' to do something crafty, and all ya need is a pencil and a piece of paper. Some of these lessons I would print out and bring with me when I was waiting for class to begin or at a coffee house, or even just my back deck in the sunshine. Enjoy!

Discovered that Aziza S'aid has a blog, and really enjoyed her post today on why we (don't) love the dance. Give it a read!
http://azizasaid.wordpress.com/2009/07/27/its-4-am-and-my-brain-is-burning/

You do not love yoga, or dance.

You think you do, but you don’t. The “it” is not the object of your love… you do NOT love yoga or dance.

What you really love is Who You Are when you do it.

The dance, the yoga, it is a vehicle. It is the way, the path, the mechanism. It is Your way, it is what is working best for you right now, and may always be what works best for you, but it is still just a tool.

"I have learned a great lesson this last week/2 weeks. I must pay attention to my intentions. I got a little lost for a bit because I allowed my focus to stray from my ultimate goal. I guess I’ve spent so much time and energy trying to identify just what that goal was, I lost sight of it in my search for the hard way to find it.

I remember a number of stories my teacher told me in the 1980’s about always seeking out the tons of ways and heavy energy I would expend to find my way when it was right in front of me all the time and all I had to do was reach out and grab it. I miss Ruth. She’s probably laughing her head off at me right now, but I think she’d be proud to see that I’m finally just reaching out and grabbing what has been there all along."

I came across a new blog the other day, "Living the Created Life", and in reading through some past posts I found the above quote.


It made me muse to myself...what things in my life are really just there for me to reach out and take? How much do I make grand gestures in an attempt to achieve a more fulfilling life, attain greater happiness, forge stronger relationships, reach desired goals...how much am I generating "heavy energy" or "expanding" to try and reach it, instead of just reaching for it from where I am? Could it really be that easy? How will we know if we don't try?

I have been trying to get back into my meditation practice, which is a really good exercise in doing nothing for me. I am awful at having a quiet mind, and I make it worse by surrounding myself constantly with fillers--internet, music, television are always near at hand, ready to give my mind a task or feed it with passive input constantly. I am back on the Artist Way wagon, which always gives me a sort of motivation (permission?) to balance out my daily routine with some nothingness. In mediation, there is no "grasping" at the meditative state. You can't make it happen--pushing or forcing yourself somehow into a quietude doesn't work. Instead, you sit and allow it to come. You become restful, bring your energy gently inward so it is ready to open and expand of its own accord. There is no try, only do, right?

And this practice at meditation, coupled with the blog post above, it makes me wonder...what else can I gently set myself ready to receive so I can pluck it when it presents itself? What am I not seeing that is right in front of me, because I am casting about so frantically to find that which is simply waiting for me to see it? What opportunity, what intent, is unrealized because I am not focused in the right direction?

What about you?