Jonathan Fields from Awake at the Wheel posts again about social media replacing actual living, which ties nicely into both my recent post on that very topic AND the soft addictions post from less than a day ago:

"People keep talking about what a huge time sink social media can become…

But, I’ve noticed something else happening with increasing frequency. It seems like more and more bloggers and social media regulars are actually living their lives through social media, rather than living extraordinary lives outside of social media and blogging, then tapping it as a means to share their experiences with a like-minded community online."

Read more at http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/into-the-social-media-abyss/

Thanks to Andrea Wagnon for linking me up to this over on Facebook!
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=52408

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Do mindless activity and bad habits have a hold on you? Get the tow truck, you're in a rut.

By Jeanie Lerche Davis
WebMD Feature
Published Feb. 18, 2004

Downtime is America's favorite pastime. We zone out via television, the Internet, shopping, parties, movies, hanging out, and working out. Sure, some are bad habits; some are "therapy." Most are escapes from a gerbil-wheel life.

That's when it hits you: Is this all there is?

For Judith Wright, author of Soft Addictions: There Must Be More Than This, this philosophical crisis occurred when life was a flurry of activity -- and as her first marriage was ending.

"Something was missing," writes Wright. The crux of the problem: Her life had become exceedingly superficial, because of what she calls 'soft addictions.'

"Soft addictions are those seemingly harmless habits like watching too much television, over-shopping, surfing the Internet, gossiping -- the things we overdo but we don't realize it," Wright tells WebMD. "It seems like normal behavior, but that's simply because everyone is doing it, too."

Soft addictions can be a problem, Wright says, because life is to be lived and not escaped from.

It's true, anything in excess can be problematic, says Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychology and behavioral sciences at Emory University in Atlanta. "You need to ask yourself, 'How excessive is it? How much does it interfere with my life?'"

Not that all mindless indulgences are bad habits, says Kaslow. There's a place in our lives for pointless conversations, all those Seinfeld reruns, and mocha- almond fudge. "We do these things to cope with stress in our lives," she tells WebMD.

"It's legitimate after you have a stressful day, you need to chill out some," says Kaslow. "But if that's all you do, and you do it every night, all weekend, that's another matter and it's not good for your mental health.

Wright agrees. "It's when they become habitual and we're just going through the motions that they become a problem," she says. "These bad habits keep us from living a greater life of meaning and satisfaction that we really deserve."

Superficial Just Doesn't Satisfy
Upwards of 90% of Americans admit they have soft addictions, one survey showed. "I actually think it's 100%," says Wright. "I have not met anyone who doesn't have them. No matter how well off or how educated they are, everyone has them."

In relationships -- whether you're married or otherwise -- you think you're relating to each other, but often you're just sharing soft addictions, Wright tells WebMD. "You think you had a great evening at home, but you weren't really connecting. That's why relationships don't go anywhere, why they burn out."

Friendships and social occasions can be stimulating and nurturing. But they can also be very superficial. "They can be mindless, gossipy, not-making-real-contact, nonnourishing events -- if there's no depth to conversations, if you're not genuine, if you're just saying expected lines, if you're talking about other people. You're not enriching your life."

She uses herself as an example: When she let go of one bad habit -- endlessly reading magazines and newspapers -- she substituted great literature, which was more rewarding. After that change, she found herself weeding out other soft addictions. She discovered that she related differently to people in her life.

"I began speaking more deeply from my heart about my feelings," Wright tells WebMD. "I took more walks in the park, listened to great music, meditated, started bringing in flowers. The other things [her soft addictions] weren't attractive to me any more."

"Soft addictions are webs, the fabric of your lifestyle," she explains. "When you're overworking, you're addicted to gourmet coffee, then you're all jittery, biting nails, stressful, calming down in front of the tube, then you're surfing the Internet, staying up too late, and you're tired the next day. But people don't always realize the connection."

Designing New Fabric
Breaking a bad habit or soft addiction isn't easy, Wright admits. Here are some suggestions:

* Start by identifying one bad habit. Maybe you head out shopping every Saturday morning. Next time, stop at a used bookstore on your way home, and find something worth reading. This way, "you've broken the routine, and added something more nourishing to your life," Wright says.
* Find other things that you enjoy. Add more things to your new routine. Soon, you'll be cutting back on shopping sprees -- but you won't feel deprived, she says. It's what she calls, "The Math of More." "You learn to add more nourishing things to your life, so you can subtract your soft addictions. Eventually, you come to enjoy these new things so much, they crowd out your soft addictions."
* Take time to write down a bigger vision for your life. This way your new choices have a context, so they make sense in terms of your priorities.
* Don't worry if breaking bad habits seem difficult. "It's not like it's a quick fix. It's not going to happen overnight," says Wright. "It's really about learning to live the journey of life. It's cumulative. You're discovering who you really are."

If I'm losing balance in a pose, I stretch higher and God reaches down to steady me. It works every time, and not just in yoga.
~T. Guillemets

Renee's Tweet this week about how much time people spend online reading and talking about dance versus actually dancing is keenly close to some thoughts I have been having about social media in general. I really love the way social media connects us, and opens our world to new ideas and people the world over. It really is a miracle. On the other hand, sometimes I feel a little gross in the pit of my stomach when I see a sea of people pulling out their phones or cameras at every event, holding it in front of them trying to capture the moment to look at later--a true barrier between them and what they are experiencing. What about seeing it NOW instead of seeing it in digital form later? What drives us to want to record our experiences rather than BE in them?

Case in point: When Chris presented me with my new beautiful anniversary ring in Vegas just a little over a week ago, I couldn't stop looking at it. And at him. And at the Bellagio fountains. Taking it all in. But then my very next instinct was "I can't wait to share this!" and my phone came out... Chris rolled his eyes. "You're going to Facebook this aren't you?" Guilty as charged, I put the phone away until a more opportune time--when we weren't in the middle of this amazing atmosphere, sharing in it together without a piece of tech between us. But it makes me wonder: when and how and why did this instinct embed itself so readily into my psyche? And how much are we seeing this come so naturally to all of us these days...?


Naturally it is fun to share our experiences with our friends, and social networking makes it faster and easier than ever! I liken it to the tree in the forest--there is a part of us that believes that if no one is there to witness what is going on, it didn't fully happen. In my opinion, even part of the human instinct to partner is to choose someone to be a witness to our lives--a person you can turn to anytime and say "Remember that time we...?" But there I was, with my best friend in the world, sharing in a beautiful moment right there of our own making! Why did I feel such a strong pull to widen the circle of witnesses right then and there?

There is an old proverb that when we share our blessings they are doubled, when we share our struggles they are halved. I think that social media has created a way of instantaneously expanding and diminishing our personal experiences and emotional states. Something about being able to post a pic of that ring and capture that image for "all time" made it feel bigger, more important, more joyful...because I had people around me who cared and would appreciate it, and my blessings would thus be doubled. And when something bad or frustrating happens, the same instincts drive us to post it somewhere to share and be reminded that we are cherished and supported, and we feel our difficulties shrink a little bit with every sympathetic comment we receive. And this immediate gratification is addictive!

But not all social networking is about what WE are doing. In fact, a vast majority isn't about our lives at all, but instead looking around the great fishbowl created by living in the public eye of der interwebs, and discussing, debating, and appraising what *others* are doing. And while I think there is tremendous value in these discussions and explorations, how much is too much? Where do we draw the line? When has it ceased to become an exercise in growth and greater understanding, and more about trying to impose our feelings or agenda on the world around us?

Jonathan Fields writes a bit about it in his blog, Awake at the Wheel:

"There’s a classic John Lennon line that goes…

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans

I sometimes wonder if that applies equally to the brave new world of social media, twitter, facebook and beyond. Comes a point where talking about what’s going on in the world, even with great people, supplants participating in what’s going on in the world.

And, no doubt, while I love the connection that certain technologies like twitter, Facebook and social media afford me, I’m also increasingly aware of it’s ability to become not only a time-sink…but a life sink."

Dont’ get me wrong, I acknowledge the value of great conversation.

But, I don’t want to spend all my time writing, tweeting and updating about what other people are doing, discovering, achieving and even failing at. Some of my time, sure. Learning from others and sharing what they’ve uncovered has it’s place.

But, as Theodore Roosevelt shared:

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

In the end, I sometimes wonder whether social media tends too much towards Roosevelt’s “gray twilight” and not enough toward his “glorious triumphs…checkered by failure.”

So, maybe, from time to time, it’s healthy to step away from talking, tweeting, IMing, updating and writing a bit more.

Long enough, at least, to become less of a value added conduit…and more of a source of creation.

Something to think about that next time we sidle up to our computers for an evening of running commentary and witty banter…about how someone else is living his life or running her business.

Curious, what do you think?"

This topic has come out of a discussion that is being bandied about on one of our local discussion groups here in Washington. One of the many micro-topics within it had to do with the idea that dance need not be specifically a performance art. That it is in fact many things to many people, and not all of these people are interested in performing. I agree with that, and elaborated...

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I remember from when I first started teaching, it was really really important to me to make sure my students understood that this dance could be just for them if they wanted, and that no one was pushed or expected to perform it. I know for me, while I have always been a performer (lifetime background in theater, music, gymnastics, and Western dance forms), there were non-performance facets to this dance that were so important to me! Particularly being a tribal group improvisational dancer, this dance is so fun as a modern folk dance, which can be a social group dance at any gathering where the other dancers know the movements and cues. I have always loved dancing by the fire among fellow dancers, just jamming, not putting on a show for anyone! When I host open dance parties, I am trying to foster that free spirit of joy and sharing among other dancers, which has nothing to do with performance in the least.

I would add this food for thought, and would love to hear other teachers' take on it:

While I am always telling my students that they need not have a goal to perform this dance, as I myself grew as a teacher I learned that I must teach them AS IF THEY WERE. Why? Because you don't know where a student is going to take what you teach them and what they will want to do with it. By teaching them the skills of performance, they can take that *anywhere*--they can choose to perform, or they can choose use their dance skills as a ritual or meditation, or they can use it just for exercise, or they can do it in their living room for their pets.

The fact is, as a teacher, I have no true control over where they choose to go with their dance--I can advise and encourage, but beyond that, they will do what they will. So if I teach them nothing of performance skills and strong technique, about ethics and their responsibility to the community at large; and then later some of them start to perform at haflas and then later want to go pro, with my having taught them none of the appropriate skills or passed on the vital knowledge, I have done them and this community a disservice. Once the box is opened, you can't put the djinn back in! You can't say "Wait wait! I didn't teach you how to *perform*. I was just teaching you how to *dance*!" That will never work.

The classroom is the place for the highest of standards--it is why we should encourage articulate and thoughtful teachers with a wide swath of knowledge on not only "just dancing", but also deeper technique and physiology of movement, choice of appropriate venues, assembling flattering and appropriate costuming, musical choice and interpretation, staging and presentation, etc. To me, in a classroom , there is no such thing as "just dance".(<---note I am saying in the classroom, not at the party, around the fire, at the party, etc) Dance as a skill is a much larger entity which includes all of the above and more. What a student chooses to do with it may or may not rely on each of these elements in the end--if they dance in their living room, they can do it naked to Quiet Riot and nobody need worry a whit about what that will do to the perception of bellydance/bellydancers in the eye of the GP. ;) But as soon as you take it to the stage and name it, and other eyes are on it, your responsibility to how it is presented is much greater, and encompasses these elements and more. And if your teacher never passed on all this valuable information, and more than that never encouraged it and required it of you in ongoing practice in anticipation that you *might* one day want to perform, then what happens...? Discussions like these happen, that's what!

So I strongly feel that the dance need not and should not ONLY be for performing/entertaining. It is so many things to so many people, and all are equally valuable and beautiful! But as a teacher, just like my Algebra teacher kept droning "You need to learn this because some day you will want to use it..." (dammit she was right!!), I will continue to teach strong performance skills and ethics to my students "just in case"...:)

If you are a teacher, what is your philosophy behind teaching performance ethics and skills? If you are a student, what have you run into in your classes with regard to learning about the responsibilities of taking your dance to the stage?