Adventures of a tribal dancer...

My friend Jonobie shared this excellent NYT article over on Facebook by Amanda Morris, a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults). This touches on something I have been experiencing--and MOSTLY enjoying--about re-engaging with my Deaf culture studies and studying ASL again.

I was in an interpreter program back in the 90's in Seattle. At that time in my school, social justice, gender identity, and even LGBTQ+ signs were not in common use enough to be taught as part of the program. So I never learned terms for concepts we use more commonly today, like "trans" or "gender identity", or even the phrase "social justice" itself! Emergent phrases like "Black Lives Matter" have been added and changed in just the last few years and are now common parlance, but still not universally settled upon. For instance, I learned from my Deaf black ASL instructor to use the term "cherish", while others use the term "important" in the same phrase. And there may be different signs for concepts based on if you are a member of that culture or not. The sign for "Black" in this same phrase has a variant which may be used by POC, but is not appropriate for white people to use--like using "the n word" is okay for those of the culture and definitely NOT if you aren't. ASL has similar rules.

I took a short class last summer which was taught by a Deaf Queer drag queen, and there was a lot of emphasis on these newer signs and increasingly common-use concepts. My instructor before that, at the beginning of the pandemic, was a queer black woman, and she, too, gave us a lot of social justice vocabulary. These were concepts that were important for all of us to learn quickly, given the George Floyd demonstrations were going on all over the globe and the landscape of language was shifting before our eyes as history was being made.

This article touches on the sign for phone right from the jump, which is familiar to me. My signs for phone, computer, video, and more were all outdated. My sign for dog was already a hybridization of the old and the new sign, so now I can just drop the awkward first half (patting the thigh), which doesn't read on camera. And some common concepts don't even have agreed-upon signs yet. For instance, some people spell out "Netflix", while some regional signs have popped up. No single one of these has been widely adopted enough yet to settle into the lexicon. Somewhat related to this, I recently learned that the Art Director at Amazon, Michael Nesmith, is Deaf--a fact I discovered when I went to look up if a sign had been codified for Amazon. He made a video showing how they sign it internally. (He also has a TED Talk on the importance of Universal Design, HERE).

My teachers have been great about imparting this information, often showing the old and new sign side by side and helping explain why the change, if it wasn't obvious. And there are still localized variants, where from teacher to teacher I learned different signs because of where they first learned ASL, or what their immediate community have adopted. Thanks to the ubiquity of online remote learning, in the past two years I have taken classes with teachers in Michigan, Rhode Island, and once even from Mexico. Their vocabulary and teaching approaches have all been unique, and I have found incredible value in this diversity of experiences to draw from.

All that is a longform way of saying that while it is challenging at times, I am for the most part enjoying seeing my own time-capsule understanding of ASL now evolving 25 years later. It can be challenging to change something ingrained for so long, but I can't help but be excited by seeing how language changes and adapts to the communities it serves.

Bonus link: A NYT article, also by Amanda Morris, about origins and meaning of ASL name signs.

beef instant pot italian pasta recipes

Shredded Beef Ragu - like grandma used to make! (sort of)

by Shay Moore The TribalDancer Sunday, July 10, 2022

death family livejournal

Dear beautiful grandma...

by Shay Moore The TribalDancer Wednesday, June 29, 2022

From my Livejournal, April 25, 2005

So I woke up today to phones ringing. I hate phones ringing. The night my father died, I knew that call was important because not only was it late, but first my home phone rang....then my cell phone...then my work phone. Anyone who has all those and tries them has something important to tell me. It was never THAT important until the night they called to tell me my Dad was dead.
So when the home phone, then my cell phone, then my work phone rang, I was checking to see who it was as Chris' cell phone rang. It was my sister and I called her back. Seems Grandma has pneumonia, and they have her on antibiotics. But when Ev consulted G-mas wishes for life-saving measures, she lists antibiotics as a no-no. Ev was calling all of us sibs to poll us as to whether we believed the page said what it said, and how we wanted to handle it. We are all in agreement that this would be a life-saving measure she has asked not to be given. So we are telling the doctors to stop giving her antibiotics, and we will see how she does...

Ev was in "practical" mode, and commented that it would probably hit her hard later. I told her if she needed company, Chris and I would come be with her. Ev had moved G-ma to a facility in Des Moines, and has been staying nearby all week. She took us up on it, and after a late breakfast we drove down to see G-ma and Ev. Ev had had a really hard cry before we got there, and was back in practical mode.

Grandma is small and tired, but of good color. She can't really speak, and is not really cognizant anyway. She would sometimes nod, sometimes mumble something, would freak out if you tried to move her even a little bit, and looked so tiny in that bed. She didn't seem to recognize me at all, and was fading in and out of sleep, partly due to a combination of vicodin and oxycontin they have her on for her hip pain. She is also sometimes on oxygen, being given insulin a few times a day due to abnormally high blood sugar levels, and goes on a medicated breather a couple times a day to help keep the plegm in her chest from solidifying. She trembles a lot, and has a look like she wants to say something, but says nothing, and her eyes drift shut.

I sat on the bed and held her hand, studying her face. Even as drawn and marked as it is at this time, she is so beautiful to me. Her silver and black hair so sparse on her head now, so silky to the touch as I stroked it and looked at her. I wonder what she thought of this stranger touching her with such familiarity and gazing at her with a half-smile as I did, but she didn't push me away or seem irritated by me. As I stroked her hair, she seemed to drift into a comfortable sleep, but her eyes would pop open when I stopped. Her skin felt soft and elsatic, but fragile and thin. Her lips tremble a lot, and her brow furrows in frustration, but her eyes don't focus on things much, and she lays awkwardly in the bed doing nothing. She can't hear you unless you lean in and yell, and I fear I will startle her if I do that too much. Hell, the sound of my own voice sounds so harsh and startling to my own ears in this quiet place. I feel completely at a loss as to what I am supposed to do. So I just try to touch her and let her know I am there...somehow.

We go grab an afternoon snack at Anthony's in the Marina, sitting in the spring sunshine having a drink to calm our nerves. We talk amiably, and enjoy the smell of flowers and ocean. We drop back in on Grandma briefly to see how she is doing, and she is unchanged. The nurse comes in and pokes her harshly with an insulin needle. Grandma, startled and pained, yelps out, her trembling fingers trying to reach the point of the puncture, but not having the strength to rub her wound. She begins to cry, and Ev wipes her tears and tells her it's okay. "We're here, Grandma," she says, stroking her hair back and kissing her forehead. "We're here. Calm down. It's okay." I hold her hand and feel helpless.

Ev is gentle and patient with Grandma. She puts on her oxygen tube, and sits her up slowly. She is obviously wanting to hear something from Grandma. Some sign that she is lucent, and understands what choices are being made. At one point, Grandma's eyes take on a brief, seconds-long clarity, and she quietly but clearly says, "I understand..." and trails off. "You understand what, Grandma?" Evelyn yells, taking her hand in her own and kissing it gently. "I understand..." but she can't seem to finish the thought, let alone get the breath in her fluid filled lungs to finish a sentence. Unspoken, I know we both wish we could believe she was saying she understands that she is on the brink of the abyss, and she understands that we won't pull her back because she asked us not to. We hope that her words mean she understands that we love her, and that we want the best for her. That we don't want her to go, and in our hearts know that she wants to go, and so we will let her. We pray that it is her somehow surfacing from the deep waters of her muddled consciousness to tell us "It's okay." But there is no guarantee that her words meant anything at all...

We decide to head to Saltwater beach park for a stroll. We take our cameras, but there is little of interest to photograph. We chat, pet dogs, and leave. We aren't hungry yet for our favorite Chinese restaurant, our intended dinner destination, so we need to kill some time. We decided to drive around Burien, looking at how much it has changed since we lived there. We go past the old house I lived in after Evelyn had long since moved away. We drive past schools and shops, reminiscing about our childhood, and marvelling, as we always do, how two sisters' lives can be so different thanks to the 10 years that separate our age. And yet, so much of what we remember is the same. Like Wah Ku's, were we head next.

We eat a meal far too large to be eaten so soon after our appetizers and beers on the deck, but it's so delicious we can't stop eating. We roll out of there with overfull bellies and a bag full of leftovers to last several days' lunches. Chris and I drive Evelyn back to the facility, and go up to see if Grandma is awake. But she's not. She is bright red--too hot from the coating of blankets they have on her. Evelyn gently peels back the blankets and wakes Grandma to say hello, but she is too tired to open her eyes more than a second or two. I sit on the bed and rest my palm on her forehead. "Ooh, you're cold," she mumbles and almost smiles. She never opens her eyes and she doesn't say anything else. I tell Ev I don't want to bother her any more, and we say our goodbyes and leave.

On the drive home, Chris asks me how I am doing. I can't find enough words to thank him for being there all day. Never once seeming impatient, or mentioning the dozen errands we were supposed to run that day. He doesn't bring up the work he was supposed to do this afternoon, and instead has to go into work early tomorrow to complete. He never sighed heavily, trying to let me know how much he would rather be someplace else. He never did the things I would do in his shoes. I am unworthy...in the best most blessed way. I want to be more like my husband. He is a good man, and a remarkable human being....

So that was my day. I got to see my beautiful Grandmother. Maybe she saw me. I think in some way she did. I hope to see her again before the end. I do and I don't... I was pleased to realize as I studied her face that I would not only remember her this way. that was my greatest fear. That the image of her today, weak and delirious, would scar my other memories of her. But it didn't. I added it o my memories. She was beautiful...

kitchen products recommended

Shay's Totally Mundane Product Recommendations - Food Waste Bin

by Shay Moore The TribalDancer Thursday, June 09, 2022

I will never be an influencer, for many reasons. But a primary reason is my recommendations would be so utterly mundane. So here I am, sharing a couple awesome products I have enjoyed, which are very, very boring indeed.

FOOD WASTE CONTAINER - Joseph Joseph Stack 4L Food Waste Caddy

I have had many food waste container solutions. The most common one I see around is roughly the shape of a scaled down garbage can, looking like any minute a scaled down muppet would pop out of the top. I always felt that those were too narrow at the top, and larger food waste wouldn't fit well. They were otherwise fine, but just didn't work well for me.

When I moved into the new house, I tried an OXO brand one which was more of a tall rectangular shape. It was better, but had no filter or way for it to breathe, so everything inside would get very soggy in short order. And though it looked fine, it was a bit more utilitarian than I had hoped for something that will sit prominently on my counter in an open concept kitchen.

Some algorithm got me with this one, from of all places World Market. I found it on Amazon at a similar price, free Prime shipping, and would arrive a week sooner, so I grabbed it. And I instantly knew it was what I was looking for! It even solved problems I wasn't seeking to solve, not knowing there WAS a solution to those issues.

Firstly it looks great. The color I love, and the form factor is a bit more modern and sleek. The plastic is matte and sturdy, and the handle is stainless steel. It all feels very strong and well-built. There is a filter in it, and replacement filters are cheap and easy to come by, but check out the filter SYSTEM. It doesn't have giant holes where fruit flies and other critters are drawn to it. There are hidden side ventilation for intake, and the top ventilation and filter area is very low profile, under the brand nameplate on top. It allows it to breathe, but without the gaping holes.

But the solution I didn't seek, but was glad to find, is the rim which hides the excess bag hanging over the edges, AND secures the bag in place more snugly. They have their own branded bags which fit more precisely, but we use Bio Bags. The rim/lid lifts off, you put on the bag, there is a little hole to tuck any excess bag edge into to hide it and make a more snug fit, then slip the rim/lid back on. Voila. Looks great, stays put. And bonus, separating the lid from the body makes both easier to clean.

So that's my Very Mundane recommendation today. If you aren't into the Amazons, this is sold many other places online and in store. And there is a door caddy version as well, which is slimmer and hangs inside a cabinet. Go forth and cook!