As I type this, our troupe is in the middle of the busiest performance season we have had in of years. By mid-March, we will have had eight performances in three weeks, when in the previous months we had closer to one performance every eight weeks. And as I type this, my co-director Renee is about ready to bring her new daughter Rose into the world, and has been on maternity leave since the beginning of the year. One would think this was a recipe for head-exploding or rock-crawling-under or possibly both simultaneously.

But instead, I am feeling refreshed, challenged, rewarded. And it's a pretty exciting time for yours truly, to be honest.

In a previous post I talked about discipline and setting up structures in our life to support success, and then outlined my Game Plan in 2010. And I am already seeing the results of these structures, as they are helping me to handle a large volume of unexpected responsibilities with relative ease (yeah, I know I just jinxed it ;).

Last week our troupe participated in four performances alone, and each one was an incredible testament to my beautiful dance sisters' skills and professionalism. They really have been amazing, stepping up to the new challenges and delivering performances with grace, power, and beauty. They are the real reason these shows are a success. But as any director knows, each of those performances translated into a zillion little details that had to be discussed, tracked, and followed up on. And for those who don't know what role directors play in the life of a performance, here is a little breakdown.

A General Timeline of Organizing a Performance:
* Initial contact with host
* Discuss schedule with troupe and secure commitments
* Put on tentative schedule
* Contact host to confirm participation and determine:
- event time and location (and parking info as needed)
- number of performances and performance length
- venue details, including stage dimensions, entrance and
exit options, and dressing area info
- expected arrival time, where and with whom to check in
* Update online calendar with show info so far
* Discuss music options with troupe, considering venue and audience
* Edit music as needed, assemble set, make sure it hangs together,
& adjust as needed
* Plan staging and/or choreography
* Rehearse, revise set music as needed, possibly re-editing
and/or changing set order or content
* Rehearse final set beginning to end
* Discuss costuming and finalize details
* Mail out/upload any new music edits to group
* Update online calendar with new details

Of course there is a lot of follow-up communications in here, among multiple hosts sometimes and the six members of my troupe; and this doesn't include day-of preparation and planning, of course. But that's the "setting up the details" list off the top of my head.

As you may imagine, none of these steps are as linear as they appear on paper, nor does each step represent one meeting, one e-mail, one discussion or decision. And when there are multiple gigs coming up around the same time, the flurry of information, constantly shifting, can be rather daunting.

In February, we have been juggling the details of 12 performances over six weeks.

How did I not dissolve in a puddle of directorial freak-out? STRUCTURE!!

Ah, it isn't lost on me that I am right now singing the praises of something I felt pretty proud of operating without. I like working for myself because it means my schedule is incredibly flexible. I can (for the most part) decide the flow of my days and weeks, and let things unfold somewhat organically. But when it comes to Getting Shit Done, being too fluid can be your enemy. You develop habits of procrastination, laziness, and even get stubbornness against YOURSELF ("I know I should be doing my paper work, but I don't wanna." *harumph*), in the long term making your own life more cluttered, both literally and figuratively. Complacency leads to being overwhelmed, and then we are frozen.

But I have been spending the beginning of 2010 trying to establish better habits--better structure--in my daily life so that I won't get overwhelmed by the details. I am teaching myself how to take lots of small bites that add up to big results. It's WORK! It has not been easy, but it has been incredibly satisfying, and I can see how it is not only affecting me, but others in my life. I can see how my husband's attitude has shifted, and how supportive he is being was no surprise but very welcome. I see how my troupe-mates have stepped up to be more involved in the day-to-day of the troupe, really engaging me and each other on a level I honestly don't think we have ever experienced; and I see how that creates a feedback loop of pride and satisfaction which makes us all want to keep that positive momentum into the future. And the rest of my framily has been so incredibly helpful and positive, feeding me even more fuel to keep this going into the future.

Will it last? Of course I hope so, but part of this process is promising myself to stay here in the moment. Little bites. Little steps. Focus on what's in front of me, and really give it 100% and see it through. I feel like I am finding my footing at a time when I most needed to get my balance. Yeah.

Here follows some rambling about making this year a better year, this decade a better decade, through new habits...

Okay confession time: I have never been a very disciplined person. To be honest, and this is maybe gonna sound haughty, but as I was growing up, most things I was presented with came pretty naturally to me. Whatever I put my mind to, mentally or physically, I managed to do at least passably well. I had really fabulous parents who were always encouraging me and making new opportunities available to me, and in return I tended to deliver on those opportunities with awards, certificates, and good grades. But frankly, so long as I was delivering on the expectations put before me, nobody took a look at how it was that I was achieving what I was achieving. Nobody was looking at the habits I was forming. Namely: almost none. I didn't have to study much to get A's and B's. I didn't practice as much as I could for my choir performances, my clarinet solos, or roles in plays, but managed to know my lines and put on a decent show. So who was going to raise a fuss?

While I was above average, I wasn't really pushing myself to the upper limits I was capable of. It was easier to occupy a space below or outside of my greatest potential, rather than do the extra work to really achieve all I was capable of. This acceptable mediocrity was the timbre of my life's pursuits, and it bled into my habits in my everyday life as I grew to adulthood. The house is "clean enough"; it's not like anyone is coming over today. My organization of my files is fine; I can find everything if I dig for a little while. Sure I have some free time right now, but I have enough clean clothes to get me through the week, so that pile of laundry can wait. And the list goes on. But frankly, those little things start to pile up and weigh on you over time. I can attest, it is a demoralizing feeling to look around and realize that for the longest time you haven't cared enough to do a few little things that would have made such a difference in your attitude and your daily experiences.

So today when I look around at my life, I want more for myself! I want to be more proactive. I want to take those little extra steps daily that build into long-term gains. I have the potential to achieve more than I currently have, in my domestic life, my business, and my creative outlets. So why is it so hard to motivate myself to make change, even tiny little ones? Because I haven't established habits which support the basic structure I imagine for my ideal life. I am out of practice with regard to how to set up a system of support for MYSELF. How did I get to 35 and not have these skills? I look back and see that I was always doing just enough, but never all that I was capable of. 2010 is a year to jump on the motivation train and finally step up and defend myself against myself. It's time to make some new habits. It's time to be more disciplined.

Discipline is such a funny word, really. It has two faces. For many, it implies punishment. When you do something wrong in school or work, you are "disciplined". The image of an overly strict teacher seems to hold "discipline" over your head like some menacing sword of Damocles. It's a heavy word, right? Yet it is a word that is also used with reverence. I admire people who are disciplined in their practices or pursuits - runners who get up every morning to get some hoofin' in before work, yoga practitioners who do it every day without fail, people who make time to meditate daily no matter where they are, even on business trips and vacations, friends who stick to their nutrition regimen even when tempted by wine and cheese at parties. The trick is that they have figured out they aren't so much denying themselves something as they are giving a gift to themselves of greater strength, peace, and health. For me, above all, I marvel at their self-love -- that it is strong enough to get them up an hour earlier, carve out a quiet moment in their hectic day, or make kinder choices about what they put in their bodies for long term health benefits. Where did they get that? How did they find that resolve? How do they maintain their discipline?

Habit.

We're not all born with the instincts to care for ourselves as we should. We aren't born knowing how to brush our teeth or wash our faces. These were learned behaviors. Nesting may be a animalian instinct, but I assure you that doing dishes and vacuuming is not encoded in our DNA. As dancers, we may love putting on our costumes and getting on stage, but the weekly and daily honing of our technical skills in class or at home alone isn't quite as innately rewarding as the roar of an appreciative crowd. Each of these acts of self-care and preparation for success does not necessarily carry with it an immediate reward, but instead are a means to an end. I don't like hauling out the vacuum, but I sure love the pet-hair free carpets and clean-smelling home. It may sometimes feel a drudgery to perform repeated plies or crunches, but it empowers me to execute movement I want to use to express myself in my dance and protect my body from injury as I do.

The people who I admire most in my life are people who formed habits which empowered them to take their skills, their work, their daily life, to the next level. Not satisfied to occupy the space outside their potential, they are taking steps every day toward their ideal life. Nobody is "there". Are we ever? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, yes? I think "pursuit" is the key word here. We must always be moving toward happiness, grabbing snatches of it as we go forward. We never arrive, grab a deck chair and a Mai Tai, and say "I'm good now, thanks. Happiness achieved!" Happiness itself is a habit, isn't it? It is building a structure of our lives which supports happiness, and maintaining that structure through discipline.

So that is what I am doing. 2010 is about getting my shit in order. It's about clearing away clutter--the weeds that choke the soil--and making way for the really good stuff to take root. And I am doing this by forming some new habits. I am making little steps every day that are adding up to bigger rewards. And it feels really good. And I am not alone! Seems there is a vibrating energy singing in the air around us this year, and all my friends seem to be tapped into it as well. We're getting organized! We're getting motivated! We're getting disciplined, dammit!

What about you? What is your history of habit-forming? Where do you stand on the concept of discipline in your pursuits today? What are you doing to make 2010 the best year--the best decade--yet?!