Have you ever known a mother or father (or been a mother or father)
who forgot to pick up their child from a school activity, playdate,
daycare or school? Perhaps dates got shuffled around, maybe dad usually
picks them up but today mom was supposed to, the usual routine wasn't in
play, and it just slipped their (your) mind?
Luckily, there was
probably someone who called and jogged their memory, and sheepishly the
parent went and got them. These people aren't neglectful monsters. They
are human beings and very normal parents juggling a million things in
their world. Nobody would judge them too harshly, *shrug* it happens.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Now imagine that instead of being
left at a daycare or neighbor's house, they were left in a car on a hot
day. And since there was no one to call and jog your memory,
horrifically, tragically, that child died. Suddenly, you are evil,
hateful, cruel, selfish, unforgivable. You are vile garbage who clearly
should have never had a child and should be locked up for life in the
deepest darkest dungeon. No "good parent" would ever do such a thing.
I reject that notion.
A lot of discussion has been going on surrounding the media's attention
on infant car deaths due to hyperhermia--that is, heat stroke from
being locked in a car on a hot day. I have seen almost zero sympathy for
these parents and the horrible tragedy they endured. Their punishment
is their own thoughts, their prison will be their own minds having to
live with what happened. I feel intense sadness for them, empathy for
their heartbreak and incredible loss, but not anger. There is some good
reading on this, so here is an excerpt from a HuffPo piece, and a link
to a long, tough read which breaks down the phenomenon--how and why it
happens, and who does it happen to. Not exactly a happy-sunshiney post
today, but I wanted to share my thoughts, and the thoughts of these
articulate writers, on the subject.
"What kind of parent forgets
their baby? A monster, right? A callous, careless, stupid, irresponsible
human being who should never have been trusted with a child in the
first place, yes?
No. Which is why I keep asking this question.
The parents who accidentally leave their children to die could be any
of us. That was the message of one of the most compelling pieces of
journalism I have ever read, one in the Washington Post by Gene
Weingarten four years ago (it later won him a Pulitzer Prize.)
Dissecting a number of tragedies he persuasively argues that those who
lose children this way could be you or me.
'What kind of person forgets a baby?
The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class.
Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to
do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to
the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally
literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal
clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A
paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student.
A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a
mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It
happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.'
...
Think that could never happen to you? Read Weingarten’s enitre article
here. Then come back and tell me you are still completely sure. Think
that parents who do this should be tried for manslaughter and sent to
jail? Read of how these families punish themselves, and come back and
tell me if you still feel the same way.
...
My heart breaks for
the 15 families who have lost children to the heat so far this year and
the more than 650 who have done so in recent decades.
Calling the
parents inhuman monsters might make us feel better, but it won’t save
the next child. Recognizing they are human beings just might."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/25/what-parent-leaves-child-in-broiling-car_n_3497956.html
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